Tuesday, June 24, 2003

Masahista Retires

This will be my last entry. Thank you to all who read (whether voluntary or mandatory) my ramblings. It's time for me to move on, search the Net for more fertile soil. Meaning: a new site for a new blog.

And brand new ways to annoy hapless readers!

So adios!


Tuesday, June 17, 2003

I'm tactile-defensive. So sue me!

I'm tactile defensive. I hate it when people touch me unnecessarily, whether intentional or not...but especially when it's intentional. A wayward hand on my shoulder or arm, an out-of-nowhere touch of my head, a hand on my back (or my bad strap) when I'm walking... this infuriates me!

But nothing makes my blood boil more than touchy passengers in public transportation.

Encounter number one: sa pregnant woman sa front seat ng FX. Right, so maybe she's huge. She has to keep her knees apart to cushion her stomach and to keep her baby from getting squashed. Granted. Pero she has no right to bitch at me just because she's fucking pregnant! (Hey! That's a pseudo-oxymoron!) Okay na sana that she asked me to move over a bit (hello, a few inches more and I'd be side-to-side with the driver!) in a not-so-nice (read: RUDE) way. But when I told her, "Nakadikit na ako sa driver. Pwede namang sabihin ng maayos, diba?" sinabi ba naman niya, "Buntis ako ha. Wag mo kong i-agrabyado" (or sumthing like that...you know me. I'm not very good with "deep" Tagalog words. Ehehehe...) That was it. English mode switched on and bitch-back sequence was activated. I replied, "Well, I'm having PMS so I have every right to bitch right back at you as much as you have the righ to bitch at me."

Damn...ang sakit na nga ng ulo ko kanina (from lack of sleep or pseudo-morning sickness...which I shall explain later...I have no idea) at ang traffic...and some whale of a woman bites! Argh...

Anyway, that was n-o-t-h-i-n-g compared to what I had to endure on a jeep back to my house. I really hate jeepneys because they're so crowded. And making matters worse are passengers who slouch, sit sideways and LEAN on their fellow passengers.

Of all those passengers, it is dirty maniacs that infuriate me most. Second to that: smelly, slimy, stinky, slouching public elementary kids. Okay, I have nothing against public elementary school kids. I have nothing against public schools, either. Heck, I have nothing against elementary kids in general. But my sisters passed through elementary (and so did my brother) in a private school. But I don't think the activities differ from those of a public school's. Kids play, rough-house and horse around. But never did my sibs come home smelling like...like... sun, fermented sweat, undefined salt and whatever else they came in contact with.

Back to this elementary boy. I have nothing against him. It wasn't just his smell (though, olfactory-defensive din ako), I could easily have turned my face upwind or covered my face. It was his smelly, stinky, slimy skin pressed against mine. It would have been understandable if the jeep was crowded and we were side-to-side. But No! This little boy was practically LYING against my side. His whole sweaty back pressed against my side, his naked smelly thigh pressed against my pants...and his stinky hair right under my nose. All this in a very un-crwoded jeep! Hello! And his mom didn't even do a thing about it.

Ginawa ko na lahat malayo lang ako sa kanya, I moved forward, moved to the side but he was still there, matching each of my maneuvers with another of his own. Finally, totally infuriated (and feeling another attack of nausea...which started way way before the jeep ride, by the way), I transferred to the opposite seat. Which was not an easy task as I had with me a jacket, a backpack and a bag of groceries.

I swear, this kids ought to be taught to at least wipe their sweat when they come out of the school!

Right, I know, I know. If I'm so tactile defensive (and bitchy), why don't I get a car and drive myself wherever it is I wish to go! Sure, I'd do that. But let me remind you that this is my blog and I can write whatever the hell I want.

So sue me!

Most Coveted Possession of the Day: I found the Diesel sneakers that look like the ones on Angel Face's feet! Although hindi niya masyadong kamukha yung nakita ko before sa People are People. But they are the ONE! It's the pair I've been seaching for all this time (about a week? Hehehe...)

Disclaimer: It is not my intention to diss any fellow human being, no matter how odoriferous or rude. I lacked sleep, had nausea the whole day, had a boring lecture in class, almost got into a fight with a classmate, and got stuck in traffic. I just had a bad day.

Besides, it's my blog. You hate dissin'? Don't keep on readin'

Shet, ang corny!
My Disorganized Thoughts: "If the Matrix is real..." and other disjointed musings

I was late for class today but I didn't know it. Pao neglected to inform me that our class starts at 7am rather than the usual 8am.

The weather was a bitch and I would have been soaked to the bone had I not ridden with my friend Joanna (and sort of shared her umbrella). I sloshed thru flood and slimy water flooded my rubber shoes. God knows what kind of animal (and human) shit floats in it, not to mention bacteria for Leptospirosis, LBM and Ameobiasis and whatever bacterium frolicks in that gunk!

And I entered that freaking room at 8am on the dot, soaking wet and pissed off... and came face to face with a dumbfounded lecturer and surprised classmates. Why they were all surprised, I have no idea. Was it because I hardly ever came to class (and therefore my presence was a miracle) or was it because I even bothered to come at a late hour or was it because I was wearing another one of my usual outfits? They seem pretty normal to me, but for some unfathomable reason, they shock the socks off my classmates. Go figure. Or maybe natakot lang sila sa pagmumukha ko. Harharhar, hindi malayo!

Anyway, I got a seat wherein I could hardly see the board so I got bored and my thoughts drifted. To where? Who cares! Basta it drifted! Hehehe...

So, if the Matrix were real, I began to pick at it (like my "Seventh Week Itch" thing). Humans as we know ourselves are just electronic/neuronal-perceptual images in this thing called the Matrix. The Agents are programs that could infiltrate the Matrix representation of the humans. That means you and I and everyone else can become agents. First question that pops to my mind: When agents take over our Matrix selves, where do our selves go (the human)? On stand-by? We dream? Shut down? Certain death?

And of course, the question spawns many more (as humans do multiply beyond the capacities of their environment), most of which are rhetorical or plain stupid. Pero questions pa rin sila! Hehehe...

If we are on stand by, what do we see? What do we feel? Are we relegated to some metaphorical dark corner of the closet?

I don't think we dream. Kasi pag dream, it is when tracking (and otherwise) devices are "implanted" in the Matrix self while in the Matrix. And the Matrix self thinks it's a dream...that feels all too real. Malamang lang no!

So, is it certain death? Hindi rin. Sometimes, the agents take-over and the threat is extinguished without damage to the Matrix self. But if the Matrix self is killed (think Trinity: "Dodge this." Hot momma...slobber...), then the True self dies. Doesn't this waste ONE human battery for all those machines? Or are humans too numerous that ONE or even ONE THOUSAND humans are disposable and dispensable?

And when the Agents' job is done, what happens to the Matrix self. Does it dream that it chased after some people who whipped out guns and open-fired into a crowd? Come to think of it, how do they control the Matrix SELVES who saw the person change into an Agent, fire at some people and then suddenly change back into themselves. Or are the people made so as not to SEE the Agents.

Hey, that makes sense! Think of it: Matrix selves see not the Agents but the Matrix self that was taken-over by the Agent. So, is it possible that those gun-toting high-school (or middle school kids) teenagers who fired at kids, killed them after taking them hostage...they were actually Agents! Think of it! It's a possibility!

Probe Team Update: Team Sugod (Love and Eliza) won the Halo-halo challenge, earning close to P1,600. They won dinner for two at The Red Crab. Then, at 5am they were off to sell pan-de-sal at 1 peso each. Wise ang Team Extreme! They won the extra 50 bucks for being first to arrive and another 50 bucks for being first to finish. Everyone sold their bread!

Okay, back to my disjointed musings...

I'm planning to celebrate his birthday here at home. We were planning to cook pasta na lang, maybe make some garlic bread (and of course, cake!). And pictures, pictures, pictures galore! If ever, this will be his first birthday party ever. And I have mixed feelings that he will be spending this special day (doubly special kasi first party, tapos birthday niya away from his nuclear family) with me and my family. Parang pressured pero masaya and... honestly, hindi ko alam. I'll find out tomorrow.

Probe Team update ulit: They have to sell footwear! Marikina-made! Ang galing! Kanya-kanyang style! Oh I love their footwear! Ang cute ng mga sandals! And at a hundred bucks and Marikina made! Give it to me baby! Nag-crave ako bigla ng footwear!

What is it with women and footwear? For some unfathomable reason, we love them. I am a self-confessed shoe addict! There's a certain satisfaction in buying an absolutely gorgeous pair of sandals..at a ridiculously low price. And the extra perk is passing it off as a Mendrez, or a People-are-People piece. Unintentionally, of course.

Ah, brand names. What is this fascination for (and bias towards) designer labels? Is it to show other people that they have the money to spend for these designer clothing/stuff and therefore can be elevated to status of "well-off" or "mayaman" (whether that label be true or...well... "perceived" hehehe...)? And to be rich means to be treated nicely, to have overly-smiley salespeople mob you while shopping, get the best seats at restaurants and the right to bitch around.

Speaking of bitching around, I was such a bitch at Pedia yesterday. I was starting to be moody a couple of days ago. I snapped at my brother, tinarayan ko ang beloved ko... at okay na sana. Kaso yesterday, may parent on the phone na super bitch, at super demanding, at super pa-VIP. As if no! Hindi ba niya alam na ako ang may kapangyarihan! I hold their schedules in the palm of my hand! My voice turned sharp, and a little louder (she was a bit hearing-imparied but that wasn't my justification) and I spoke a little slower. Even the interns noticed.

And my bitching started from then. But I wasn't a major bitch. But a bitch nonetheless.

"A cute bitch", he said. Hahaha...

A bisexual bitch, then? Naisip ko lang bigla to on the way back to Pedia. Kasi ganito, I saw a really adorable pair of sneakers on the floor of the jeep in front of us. They were attached to really slim ankles clad in white-striped gray socks...attached to shapely calves underneath a pair of gray parachute capris! And a face of an angel hovered above it.

I was absolutely awe-struck. My first thought was, "Ano ba naman tong nanay nito. Pinapag-commute yung anak niya? Eh kung makidnap yan?"

Hehehe...but I swear on my boobs, she was pretty. I don't find it disturbing that I like to look at pretty girls. So I know how to appreciate beauty...in both genders. Is that bad? Hmmm...

Oh, speaking of shoes (for the second time) they were really cute! Parang yung sneaker sa People are People before..."some chinese name and some other chinese name" yun. Something like Yin and Yang sounding pero shempre hindi yun no, gets?

Anyway, my hunt for THOSE shoes shall commence tomorrow. As soon as I set foot in Rob, I will raid the Shoe Salon, Mendrez, People are People...maybe even Selfridge! Oh how I love shoes!

And now I gotta go. More disjointed musings tomorrow. Or whenever the the fancy strikes.


Song of the Moment: Satellite - Dave Mathews Band

Random Thought of the Day: Totoo nga kaya ang Matrix?

Most Coveted Possession of the Day: Those sneakers I saw on Angel Face's feet. Hehehe...The hunt begins!

Word/s for the Day:Disjointed

Tuesday, June 10, 2003

Four Hours In Lola's House: Of Exes and Telenovelas

I spent 4 hours in Nanay's house, hoping to get some peace and quiet so I can finish studying Kines (so I haven't finished it, sue me!) finally. Shempre ang sagwa ng napili kong oras!

Kasi naman, mega-overtime ako kanina sa Pedia. I finished at around 7pm na. Uber overtime na yun no, considering that 4:30 ang official time out ng Pedia people!

Anyway, I got to Nanay's at 7:45pm and we had dinner at 8pm while some God-forsaken telenovela (I think it's that one with Tonton and Chin-chin) played on TV. Oks lang...kumakain naman ako so kayang-kaya ko pa siya ma-ignore. After that, I sat down at the foyer while I studied. Telenovela after telenovela started parading in front of my eyes and began to assault my hapless brain. Oh agony! I even saw an ill-acting (can one even call that crap "acting"?!?) Pierre Paolo trying to convince his older sister not to accept some guy as their dad.

Oh goodness. Why oh why do Filipinos put up with this crap? It practically insults the viewer's intelligence. I mean, hello! Who the FUCK would put up with a Cruella-De-Ville-ish mother in law who splats her face into a creme-frosted cake after she overhears that girl telling her husband that she wants to move out and live on their own?!? And what idiot husband would not even investigate if his wife's claims were true (nagsumbong na once si Cecilia, if I remember correctly)...and what infinitely DAFT b*tch would continually be a martyr and suffer her mother-in-law's schizo-affective attacks for the "love" of her husband?! COME ON PEOPLE! This is CRAP! (ooh...I'm beginning to sound like a poster with a million nicks, many times banned and many times reborn! Hwahahaha!)

I ended up leaving earlier than planned. My brain and my intelligence (whatever's left of it anyway) could no longer tolerate being lambasted and stepped on. Thank God walang Kristine Hermosa flick kanina. No offense to her fans but her loveteam with Echo Rosales is getting so...blah. And she is such a lousy actress, I swear. She's Jacklyn Jose- unemotional without Jacklyn's charm and screen presence. Ladidah...BUT it doesn't change the fact that Echo's kinda cute. Harharhar.

In those four hours, I got to finish only three chapters (wonder of wonders that I even finished ONE, given the crap the TV was spouting) and regressed into my "other" thoughts.

I saw pictures of his ex the other day. Let's not name names...I would not appreciate it if she turns out to be an avid fan of my blog (as some of my friends are...I should put a blurb page here...so my friends can rave "ang galing ng blog mo! Makulit at makulay, parang ikaw!" and other pambobolas! hehehe...) and I get a text from her saying she doesn't like the way she was described in my blog (in which case, I would text back "Sorry, wrong number" Wahahahaha...bad bad ko!) and would like a formal letter of apology to be published in my blog.

Oh, going back to his ex, I saw her pictures the other day. Damn hell, she's friggin' cute! I swear, she's like a little kid... all sweet and innocent with that big toothy grin. And her baby pics...she WAS so adorable! In fact, I might even LOVE her...except for two things: she's my beloved's ex (and I am not very good with my bf's exes...hehehe...) and well...let's just say her pysche leaves something to be desired. Oh let's leave it at that. My "other" thoughts have nothing to do with her cuteness (but damn, she IS cute...the sort of cute that makes me "gigil"...like Nancy Castiglione) or her warped psyche. It has EVERYTHING to do with MY warped pysche.

Let's just say that I am going through the "Seventh Week Itch". If couples have a "Seven-Year Itch", I have my "Seventh Week Itch". It's when I begin to disect, resect, digest and molest (WHAT?!?) every detail of my current relationship and mull over them over several cups of coffee and packs of cigarettes (well, I used to but not this time. I've quit) all night and into the wee hours of cock-a-doodle-doo.

And in my hours of thinking, I unearthed some...errr...interesting details.

One, he is my only boyfriend who is only a few months older than I am. Ergo, we are basically the same age. That's one big surprise for me, which my friend Vero remimded me of. In one of our YM conversations, she said: "knowing you, you probably went for someone way older than you are." Funny how I do tend toward older guys. No wonder Dada was surprised to know how old he was. To quote my dear gurlfriend: "WHAT?!?" Hehehe...

Two, he hasn't changed much since our first day as a couple. He still texts a lot, calls a lot (kahit nagagalit ako na nasasayang lang ang load niya), he still misses me as much as he did before. He still HAS to see me everyday (or every other day, which is about as much as he can take...sapilitan na yung 2 days) and he still thinks of me MOST of the time (come on, one doesn't think of one's partner 24/7. Let's be realistic here!)...or so he claims.

Three, we hang out a lot at my house...which NEVER happened with past bf's for some reason or another.

Four, his ex...hmmm...let's get to that later.

Bakit ba napaka-significant sa akin ng 7-week mark?

Kasi ganito: 8 weeks = 2 months. and 2 months is the duration (give or take a couple more weeks) of my past two relationships (which I do not want to go into in detail as of the moment, thank you very much!), unfortunately. Therefore, I tend to be phobic of the 7th and 8th week as the 7th week is the Week of Anticipation (will we break up or not, is it worth going on or not? Magkakaiwanan nanaman ba?) and 8th week is Judgement Week. Oh hell, call me paranoid, schizo, psycho (I do BEG to disagree on this one, though...hehehe...) and whatever the hell you want but it is an established fact that I can never breathe easy until the 8th week has passed without notable events.

Although medyo fallacious nga ang 8th-week relaxation ko kasi things get f*cked up AFTER the 8th week has passed (one messed up 5 days after 8th week and the other at 13 days post) and not on 8th week itself.

Well, I got that covered this time. 9th week is Bet Week. It's one bet I would LOVE to lose. The bet goes: By this day (corresponding to 9th week), he would have left me. And he bets he'd still be around. Not only for Week 9...but until Week 10,000. Hahahaha!

So, that aside, let's go to his ex. I think I'll pass on the descriptions. Suffice it to say... he had wanted out during the last few months of it. And suffice it to say that I do not understand how he put up with it...and suffice it to say that, indeed, her psyche left a lot more to be desired. But as I said, let's not go there.

Let's just put it this way: I try hard not to be like his ex. I try not to make the same mistakes his ex made. Why? Maybe coz I want to increase my chances of losing the bet? Maybe because I just don't want anything in me to be related to (in my sister's words "maihambing"...ek!) his ex. Not that I hate her (and not that I love her either...although nang-gigigil talaga ako sa kanya...she's so CUTE!) nor do I hate him for putting up with her. Hey, to each his own. And I'm definitely not going to make his putting up with her an issue between the two of us. Dahil, unang una, tapos na yun. Past is past. Let's not breathe life into moldy skeletons. Pangalawa, what the hell for? What a waste of energy. I might as well put that energy into creative use, koratch?

But then again, I'm nothing like his ex! Basta...kung ano ako, hindi ganun yung ex niya. Teka...mali. Kung ano yung ex niya, hindi ako ganun. Tama na ba? Ah basta! Let's leave it at this: I do not want to repeat HER mistakes. I want to learn from them.

So what's the point of me writing all this ex-talk in my blog. EH GUSTO KO EH! PAKI MO BA?!?!


Probe Team Commentary:I was laughing my head off watching Probe's Anniversary Special. They made them sell TAHO! Tapos dirty ice cream. At the height of Chedeng! Woohoo! Two years ago naman, pina-akyat sila sa Samal. Umiyak nga si Bernadette dun eh...ayaw na daw niya umakyat sa bundok. Di na daw niya kaya! Ang kulit kulit ni Love! Ang ingay ingay niya magbenta ng taho. Buti pa siya marunong mag-scoop ng taho...she also knows how to scoop out the water. Sina Che-che naman, old-fashioned way. Naglibot talaga. Eh sa Divisoria yun...andaming tao! My goodness! Ang galing nila! Sina Bernadette naman, sales talk! Ang galing, charm charm! Hehehe... Tapos nungnatapos sila, hindi sila kumain dun sa kainan ng halo-halo at pusit-palabok sa Divisoria Mall. Sayang di nila alam eh. Hehehe...

Eniwei, chili con carne, nasan na ba aketch? Hayun...my "other" thoughts. Ah, eto pa nga pala... Friday and Saturday nights, I dreamed of my ex in a non-threatening manner. Which is really really weird. I am a little...perplexed. And VERY tempted not to give it any thought. But growing up as I did given the way I am (past experiences nonwithstanding), I have learned NEVER to ignore my dreams.

Haaayyy...ang daldal ko no?

Sana matapos ko na yung Kines. Ang dami ko pang tatapusin, actually. Haaayy...ewan ko ba. Weird talaga. Auditory-distractible kasi ako so I find it hard to study pag may kahit konting ingay...pwera pag music. At dapat yun, pure music...as in music lang. Dapat minimal lang ang "speaking" noise, so that immediately strikes Starbucks Rob and Starbucks La Salle out. Ang ingay ingay dun, grabe! Sa Rob, andaming jologs. Sa La Salle naman, puro conio talk. Eitherway, ingay. Pwede pa sa Starbucks UN kasi medyo quiet ang atmosphere dun, kahit sa labas. Dumadaan lang dun, cars and trucks and an occasional ambulance papuntang MaDocs. Masaya sana mag-aral dun kung may kasama ako. Isama ko kaya siya...kaya lang gabi na yun. Mag-aalala nanaman ako sa pag-uwi niya. Wag na lang. Solo flight na lang ako.

I only have six weeks! Six weeks to finish my clearance. Six months to get my TOR and COG. Six weeks to apply at PRC for Boards. Six weeks to finish studying. Six weeks to make sure I assimilate every bit of information my poor neurons can hold.

Six more weeks of hell. Six more weeks till Judgement Day.

So, in six weeks, will I be a PRTP or a PTPP (PT Pul-pol hehehe...or PT Palpak)?!?

Probe Team Commentary ulit: Ang kulit talaga ni Love! Nilibre kasi sila sa pamasahe sa jeepney nung driver...so in return, nag-barker sila. Ang funny talaga! Sina Che-che, binigyan ng 50-cents discount nung driver ng nasakyan nila. Tapos nagbenta sila ng ice cream sa Project 2. Hindi pa marunong mag-scoop ng ice cream sila Cheche at Bernadette. Pero oks lang...si Love ang kapal talaga ng mukha! Nakakatuwa! Si Bernadette naman, kilala kaya maraming bumibili sa kanila. Sina Cheche din, kilala kaya may bumibili din. And saya ng mga gimik nila. Yung team ni Bernadette (Love Team), nag-stay in one place lang parang nung sa Taho Challenge. Kaya ayun, dinumog sila. Young and old alike. Kasi kilala nga si Bernadette kaya madaming bumibili sa kanila kahit hindi sila marunong maglagay ng ice cream sa cone. Team Sugod naman (Team ni Love), swerte kasi nakapunta sila sa isang place na gala ang mga bata. So andami ding bumibili. Tapos "Extortion" naman ang ginamit ni Love sa mga matatanda habang bumibili ng cones si Eliza. Sina Bernadette naman, in-offer-an sila ng isang karinderya na kumain dun nang walang bayad. Nahihiya pa nga si RObert nung una, kaso gutom din so kumain na rin siya.

Before ako magkuwento pa, dapat kasi, yung kikitain nila sa taho at ice cream challenge lang yung pwede nila gastusin kaya malaking bagay sa kanila na libre! Gets? Owki...tuloy...

May mga naawa din kina Love. Tapos sina Cheche, binentahan yung mga officemates nila sa Anonas Extension. Tapos nung naubos na yung cones nila at kumain sila, pina-ubos na nila sa ibang tao yung tirang ice cream. They earned 50 pesos additonal to their 1,930.60 Shempre bawas na dun yung pamasahe nila, yung pinambili nila ng cones at yung pinang-lunch nila. Nasira yung gulong ng cart nila Bernadette kaya sinakay na nila sa isang pick-up (which is not bawal naman) tapos pumirmi sa isang site tapos nagbenta sa terminal ng jeep. They made 2,004.75 from the ice cream. Team Sugod (Love's team) made 1,685 bucks. And they came in last. ANG FUN nito, sobra!

Eniwei, Manila Bay, ang tagal ko nang hindi nakakapag-row! Ni hindi nga ako makapag-gym! Ang taba ko na! Hindi na kasya sa akin yung iba kong clothes! Lalo na yung mga jeans ko! There was even a time na jogging pants at shirts na lang ang nasusuot ko dahil sobrang laki ng na-gain ko na weight! At my height, I reached 118 pounds. Ngyi...pretty traumatic when my usual weight is 105-108 lbs. Hehehe...

'By and I are planning to go swimming on Saturday, most probably in the afternoon. Kasi I have classes pa rin in the morning. Nice sana kung matuloy kami. At least, QT yun...plus makaka-work out kami together. We both get to lose weight! Siya din kailangan pumayat! Laki na ng tummy niya eh...Hihihi (Sorry Baby...totoo naman e!)

Probe Team Commentary once more: Love Team won a visit to Discovery Spa...wow...inggit ako. Love Team got a free ride to Ortigas, along with Team Extreme (Cheche's team)...all thanks to Bernadette! Ang lakas talaga ng charisma ni Bernadette! Hehehe! Sina Love naman, nag-barker nanaman sa bus kasi libre naman sila sa pamasahe. Pwede na sila mag-sideline ng barker! Hwahahaha! Tapos na nga yung challenge, puro pagbebenta pa rin ang napag-usapan nila. Sabi ni Cheche, mukha na daw silang pera! Sobrang tuwang-tuwa sila na sa Discovery Suites sila matutulog. Akala daw nila, sa barracks ng Camp Aguinaldo! Hehehe...

So anyway, they had to sell halo-halo naman in Marikina. Bawal na daw ang libre. They have to pay for everything na. Meaning, no more free rides and no more free lunches. Wahahaha.

So this time, they had to get to The Biggest Shoe in Marikina. Love's Team (Team Sugod) got there first and won 50 bucks extra...and they had to get their stuff and start selling at Freedom Park. And the fun continues next Tuesday night.

Hayun... with Probe Team over, I shall return to my "other" thoughts. Is there a possibility that, 9 months after my last relationship (and 5 months after his) I have found someone who will be The One.

I really don't believe in The One...as in like, may isang tao na talagang para sa iyo at kahit anong kabalbalan ang gawin mo, kahit anong kagaguhan ang ipataw mo sa kanya...siya at siya pa rin ang makakatuluyan mo. I don't like the idea. I don't like the thought of having even my future partner predestined. Ayoko nun...parang napaka-controlled. Parang wala akong say, wala akong choice. But to some extent, I believe that that there are some people you are MEANT to meet. How it turns out is up to you. Yun ang pagkakaiba sa The One theory.

Let me put it plainly. I was meant to meet (and hook up) with Alain. But it was up to me if I wanted a relationship to form and it was up to me (or to us) if I (or we) wanted it to flourish. Parang ganun. The people we meet are scheduled...parang manifesto ng passengers sa plane or sa ship. Depende na sa akin kung anong gagawin ko dun sa mga pasaherong sasakay sa buhay ko. Gets?

Whateyber, Lucifer! Basta ako inaantok...at shempre kinakabahan sa Boards. I tried answering some past Boards questions. My God! I got only 40% in my first try...Anatomy and Kinesiology pa lang yun ha! Hello! I need 70% to even get a SHOT at passing...huhuhu. Natatakot na talaga ako, to put it plainly. Natatakot ako sa possibility na hindi ko matatapos aralin lahat. Or matapos ko nga pero low retention level naman ako.

At natatakot ako na baka kailangan ko muna siya i-ignore for the next six weeks. Well, hindi naman "ignore" in the strictest sense. "Ignore" lang na tipong hindi ko siya masyadong maasikaso, baka hindi ko na siya masyadong maipagluto ng food niya sa house...or hindi kami masyadong magkikita. Scary gamble din yun...gusto pa naman namin lagi kaming nagkikita... Oh hell, I hate to even THINK about the possibilities I must consider with this sort of set-up. A-Y-O-K-O!!!

Haaayy...baka mag-aral na lang ako sa Starbucks UN bukas ng gabi...solo flight muna ako. Ig-glue ko muna yung pwet ko sa silya. Sana tahimik yung mga makatabi ko...at sana sa loob ako. Ayoko sa smoking area...baka ma-tempt ako magyosi ulit...hehehe...kape pa naman yun. Nicotine and caffeine go SO well together!

Anyway, sil 'vous plait (ano ba yan! Kung anu-ano na!), I gotta catch my Z's. 7 am ang class ko bukas tapos half-day nanaman sa Pedia. Sana mapapirma ko na lahat ng pwedeng mapa-pirma sa clearance ko, para menos sa mga aasikasuhin ko. Dapat maka-apply na ako sa PRC by next week eh. Oh hell...

Yun lang! Goodnight! Laters!

Ah hell...I miss him...

Song of the Moment: Crash Into Me - Dave Matthews Band
To quote: You've got your ball, you've got your chain. Tied to me tight, TIE ME UP AGAIN!

In short- itali mo pa ako ulit! It is not my desire na ma-untie from you. Tangina ang corny! I need coffee...and fast!

Random Thought of the Day: Passing the Boards would be one hell of an achievement. To Top the Boards would be PHENOMENAL. Now, do I go for the achievement or do I deign to give the phenomenon a chance? Or the better question would be: am I WILLING, am I READY to make the necessary sacrifices to achive that phenomenon? And if I am ready, if I am willing... is he?

Most Coveted Possession of the Day: A Top slot in the August 2003 Boards...and shopping money! So I can buy all the clothes I want for him...hehehe (conrol freak mode ON)!

Word/s for the Day: "Nakakatuwa!"

Friday, June 06, 2003


There are just some things one cannot discuss in a blog. For one reason or another.

And I am not about to name those things. Nor am I about to enumerate the reasons why.

So sue me.

Monday, June 02, 2003

Kawawa naman ako...

I was at Chez this morning, measured the ceiling and the walls, tsaka tried to rearrange the furniture and all the other stuff. Haayy...

My whole family, minus my dad, went to Glorietta today. We were going to get school shoes for my sibs. Wawa naman ako...since hindi na ako pumapasok, wala akong shoes. May pinapabili nga sana akong slippers sa Merrel eh... yung kulay blue na parang sandals na sa big toe lang yung parang strap. Alam mo yun...imbes na isa siyang malaking strap (parang yung slippers ni By), parang hiwalay siya ng strap sa big toe...di ko ma-explain! Hweniwei...sayang... korek na yung size e. Size seven na, ang ganda ng fit...super sakto! Tapos ayaw ni Mama. Oo nga naman kasi. Ka-price niya halos yung Vans na sneakers na gusto ko...pero kahit na! Daya! Ako lang ang walang nabili kanina! Maski si Mama, she got a dress. Ako...hindi. Haaay. Ang babaw no?

Nakita nga pala namin si Heart at si Sarah Christophers sa Starbucks kanina. Wala lang. Na-disilluison ako sa kanya. Mas cute pa siya sa TV...pero oks lang. Her butt is nicer in person! Harharhar!

Oh, I told Mama na By wants me to take care of the interiors of the house. Pati siya natuwa. I-videotape ko daw yung loob ng bahay para maka-input siya. Natuwa naman ako sa reation niya. Hehehe... may suggestion na agad siya...yung platform para sa bed, para hindi masyadong mababa.

Kanina nga pala, when they were picking out pillowcases for their hotdog pillows (daya...ako wala!), I was browsing the glassware. Ang daming canisters na magaganda...lalagyan ng coffee, milk, sugar, pasta, candies, salt at kung anik anik pa! Tapos ang daming cute na pitchers of water (pero shempre hindi kailangan yun kasi magwa-water dispenser naman kami eventually), tsaka mga baso. Tapos may nakita na akong shower curtain, tsaka matching na rug. Tapos mga tabo at pail na puti. Tsaka clothes hamper (for laundry). Tapos mga silverware...tsaka bedsheets! At pillowcases para sa floor pillows. Grabe, RIOT yung ideas sa utak ko. Hindi ko pa naman dala yung "Chez book" ko, so note nang note nang note sa Clie. Hwekhekhek.

Tapos ang dami kong nakitang clothes/accessories na gusto ko bilhin for him: sweatshirts, a windbreaker, a bag, really light rubber shoes, boxer shorts (hehehe), sports socks, polos, shirts, slacks...ang dami talaga! Pati suklay! Hehehehe...

Kanina nga pala (shet, patalon-talon ako magkuwento!), may bagong ayos nanaman ako na naisip sa bahay. Pwede pala maglagay ng sitting room dun sa main room. Tapos pwedeng hindi na yung big table ang dining table. Oks na sya sa kitchen, i-s-sand ko na lang at varnish. Oks na siyang natural. Nagdadalawang-isip na din ako sa orange na accent color eh. Parang mas maganda kung blue...shades of blue...para malamig sa mata. Relaxing pag-uwi niya. Gets? Tapos nalipat ko na yung bed dun sa "bed nook", tapos nag-measure na ako ng dimensions ng floor (iba sa ceiling yun kasi may slope yung ceiling) para sa rubber mats at pseudo-carpets. Tsaka para malaman ko kung gaano ka-laki ang pwedeng ilagay na floor pillows, area rugs, low tables at yung accent lighting na pwede ilagay.

Ang laki pala nung other room, yung plano naming gawing closet lang. Ang laki nya, sobra. Nasasayangan ako sa space. Gusto ko sana buksan yung wall para malaki yung kitchen..tapos ang hiwalay na lang yung bed area. Eh kaso wala namang time gawin yun eh so I'd just have to work around the structure (and budget) that we have.

By thinks I absolutely must meet his ex. It's not that, really. Gusto ko lang, curious lang ako. But if it will cause trouble, wag na. Hindi ko naman ikamamatay diba?

I miss my peyups friends. Hindi ko nga alam if they still consider me their "friend" since I don't get to hang with them anymore. Not that I could, given what I have to do. Still... oh well. The true ones will be there even after ten million years.

Speaking of true friends, miss ko na PT barkada ko. Miss ko na si Pepot at si Paolo. Miss ko na silang lahat! Huwah! I don't have a life anymore!

And I don't have a lot of time to sleep anymore!

Hwekhekhekhek...laters! Gotta catch them Z's!

Song of the Moment: Fighter - Christina Aguilera

Random Thought of the Day: When does materialism begin to become evil? Or does the mere want of material things spawn evil in itself? Even if those objects are for the common good?

Most Coveted Possession of the Day: Blue Merrel sandals/slippers. Perfect rain gear. Haaayyy...

Word/s for the Day: "Uy, pwede to sa bahay!"