Buhay Masahista

2003-06-24T06:54:00.000-07:00

Masahista Retires

This will be my last entry. Thank you to all who read (whether voluntary or mandatory) my ramblings. It's time for me to move on, search the Net for more fertile soil. Meaning: a new site for a new blog.

And brand new ways to annoy hapless readers!

So adios!

Laters!

2003-06-17T21:48:00.000-07:00

I'm tactile-defensive. So sue me!

I'm tactile defensive. I hate it when people touch me unnecessarily, whether intentional or not...but especially when it's intentional. A wayward hand on my shoulder or arm, an out-of-nowhere touch of my head, a hand on my back (or my bad strap) when I'm walking... this infuriates me!

But nothing makes my blood boil more than touchy passengers in public transportation.

Encounter number one: sa pregnant woman sa front seat ng FX. Right, so maybe she's huge. She has to keep her knees apart to cushion her stomach and to keep her baby from getting squashed. Granted. Pero she has no right to bitch at me just because she's fucking pregnant! (Hey! That's a pseudo-oxymoron!) Okay na sana that she asked me to move over a bit (hello, a few inches more and I'd be side-to-side with the driver!) in a not-so-nice (read: RUDE) way. But when I told her, "Nakadikit na ako sa driver. Pwede namang sabihin ng maayos, diba?" sinabi ba naman niya, "Buntis ako ha. Wag mo kong i-agrabyado" (or sumthing like that...you know me. I'm not very good with "deep" Tagalog words. Ehehehe...) That was it. English mode switched on and bitch-back sequence was activated. I replied, "Well, I'm having PMS so I have every right to bitch right back at you as much as you have the righ to bitch at me."

Damn...ang sakit na nga ng ulo ko kanina (from lack of sleep or pseudo-morning sickness...which I shall explain later...I have no idea) at ang traffic...and some whale of a woman bites! Argh...

Anyway, that was n-o-t-h-i-n-g compared to what I had to endure on a jeep back to my house. I really hate jeepneys because they're so crowded. And making matters worse are passengers who slouch, sit sideways and LEAN on their fellow passengers.

Of all those passengers, it is dirty maniacs that infuriate me most. Second to that: smelly, slimy, stinky, slouching public elementary kids. Okay, I have nothing against public elementary school kids. I have nothing against public schools, either. Heck, I have nothing against elementary kids in general. But my sisters passed through elementary (and so did my brother) in a private school. But I don't think the activities differ from those of a public school's. Kids play, rough-house and horse around. But never did my sibs come home smelling like...like... sun, fermented sweat, undefined salt and whatever else they came in contact with.

Back to this elementary boy. I have nothing against him. It wasn't just his smell (though, olfactory-defensive din ako), I could easily have turned my face upwind or covered my face. It was his smelly, stinky, slimy skin pressed against mine. It would have been understandable if the jeep was crowded and we were side-to-side. But No! This little boy was practically LYING against my side. His whole sweaty back pressed against my side, his naked smelly thigh pressed against my pants...and his stinky hair right under my nose. All this in a very un-crwoded jeep! Hello! And his mom didn't even do a thing about it.

Ginawa ko na lahat malayo lang ako sa kanya, I moved forward, moved to the side but he was still there, matching each of my maneuvers with another of his own. Finally, totally infuriated (and feeling another attack of nausea...which started way way before the jeep ride, by the way), I transferred to the opposite seat. Which was not an easy task as I had with me a jacket, a backpack and a bag of groceries.

I swear, this kids ought to be taught to at least wipe their sweat when they come out of the school!

Right, I know, I know. If I'm so tactile defensive (and bitchy), why don't I get a car and drive myself wherever it is I wish to go! Sure, I'd do that. But let me remind you that this is my blog and I can write whatever the hell I want.

So sue me!

Most Coveted Possession of the Day: I found the Diesel sneakers that look like the ones on Angel Face's feet! Although hindi niya masyadong kamukha yung nakita ko before sa People are People. But they are the ONE! It's the pair I've been seaching for all this time (about a week? Hehehe...)

Disclaimer: It is not my intention to diss any fellow human being, no matter how odoriferous or rude. I lacked sleep, had nausea the whole day, had a boring lecture in class, almost got into a fight with a classmate, and got stuck in traffic. I just had a bad day.

Besides, it's my blog. You hate dissin'? Don't keep on readin'

Shet, ang corny!

2003-06-17T08:24:00.000-07:00

My Disorganized Thoughts: "If the Matrix is real..." and other disjointed musings

I was late for class today but I didn't know it. Pao neglected to inform me that our class starts at 7am rather than the usual 8am.

The weather was a bitch and I would have been soaked to the bone had I not ridden with my friend Joanna (and sort of shared her umbrella). I sloshed thru flood and slimy water flooded my rubber shoes. God knows what kind of animal (and human) shit floats in it, not to mention bacteria for Leptospirosis, LBM and Ameobiasis and whatever bacterium frolicks in that gunk!

And I entered that freaking room at 8am on the dot, soaking wet and pissed off... and came face to face with a dumbfounded lecturer and surprised classmates. Why they were all surprised, I have no idea. Was it because I hardly ever came to class (and therefore my presence was a miracle) or was it because I even bothered to come at a late hour or was it because I was wearing another one of my usual outfits? They seem pretty normal to me, but for some unfathomable reason, they shock the socks off my classmates. Go figure. Or maybe natakot lang sila sa pagmumukha ko. Harharhar, hindi malayo!

Anyway, I got a seat wherein I could hardly see the board so I got bored and my thoughts drifted. To where? Who cares! Basta it drifted! Hehehe...

So, if the Matrix were real, I began to pick at it (like my "Seventh Week Itch" thing). Humans as we know ourselves are just electronic/neuronal-perceptual images in this thing called the Matrix. The Agents are programs that could infiltrate the Matrix representation of the humans. That means you and I and everyone else can become agents. First question that pops to my mind: When agents take over our Matrix selves, where do our selves go (the human)? On stand-by? We dream? Shut down? Certain death?

And of course, the question spawns many more (as humans do multiply beyond the capacities of their environment), most of which are rhetorical or plain stupid. Pero questions pa rin sila! Hehehe...

If we are on stand by, what do we see? What do we feel? Are we relegated to some metaphorical dark corner of the closet?

I don't think we dream. Kasi pag dream, it is when tracking (and otherwise) devices are "implanted" in the Matrix self while in the Matrix. And the Matrix self thinks it's a dream...that feels all too real. Malamang lang no!

So, is it certain death? Hindi rin. Sometimes, the agents take-over and the threat is extinguished without damage to the Matrix self. But if the Matrix self is killed (think Trinity: "Dodge this." Hot momma...slobber...), then the True self dies. Doesn't this waste ONE human battery for all those machines? Or are humans too numerous that ONE or even ONE THOUSAND humans are disposable and dispensable?

And when the Agents' job is done, what happens to the Matrix self. Does it dream that it chased after some people who whipped out guns and open-fired into a crowd? Come to think of it, how do they control the Matrix SELVES who saw the person change into an Agent, fire at some people and then suddenly change back into themselves. Or are the people made so as not to SEE the Agents.

Hey, that makes sense! Think of it: Matrix selves see not the Agents but the Matrix self that was taken-over by the Agent. So, is it possible that those gun-toting high-school (or middle school kids) teenagers who fired at kids, killed them after taking them hostage...they were actually Agents! Think of it! It's a possibility!

Probe Team Update: Team Sugod (Love and Eliza) won the Halo-halo challenge, earning close to P1,600. They won dinner for two at The Red Crab. Then, at 5am they were off to sell pan-de-sal at 1 peso each. Wise ang Team Extreme! They won the extra 50 bucks for being first to arrive and another 50 bucks for being first to finish. Everyone sold their bread!

Okay, back to my disjointed musings...

I'm planning to celebrate his birthday here at home. We were planning to cook pasta na lang, maybe make some garlic bread (and of course, cake!). And pictures, pictures, pictures galore! If ever, this will be his first birthday party ever. And I have mixed feelings that he will be spending this special day (doubly special kasi first party, tapos birthday niya away from his nuclear family) with me and my family. Parang pressured pero masaya and... honestly, hindi ko alam. I'll find out tomorrow.

Probe Team update ulit: They have to sell footwear! Marikina-made! Ang galing! Kanya-kanyang style! Oh I love their footwear! Ang cute ng mga sandals! And at a hundred bucks and Marikina made! Give it to me baby! Nag-crave ako bigla ng footwear!

What is it with women and footwear? For some unfathomable reason, we love them. I am a self-confessed shoe addict! There's a certain satisfaction in buying an absolutely gorgeous pair of sandals..at a ridiculously low price. And the extra perk is passing it off as a Mendrez, or a People-are-People piece. Unintentionally, of course.

Ah, brand names. What is this fascination for (and bias towards) designer labels? Is it to show other people that they have the money to spend for these designer clothing/stuff and therefore can be elevated to status of "well-off" or "mayaman" (whether that label be true or...well... "perceived" hehehe...)? And to be rich means to be treated nicely, to have overly-smiley salespeople mob you while shopping, get the best seats at restaurants and the right to bitch around.

Speaking of bitching around, I was such a bitch at Pedia yesterday. I was starting to be moody a couple of days ago. I snapped at my brother, tinarayan ko ang beloved ko... at okay na sana. Kaso yesterday, may parent on the phone na super bitch, at super demanding, at super pa-VIP. As if no! Hindi ba niya alam na ako ang may kapangyarihan! I hold their schedules in the palm of my hand! My voice turned sharp, and a little louder (she was a bit hearing-imparied but that wasn't my justification) and I spoke a little slower. Even the interns noticed.

And my bitching started from then. But I wasn't a major bitch. But a bitch nonetheless.

"A cute bitch", he said. Hahaha...

A bisexual bitch, then? Naisip ko lang bigla to on the way back to Pedia. Kasi ganito, I saw a really adorable pair of sneakers on the floor of the jeep in front of us. They were attached to really slim ankles clad in white-striped gray socks...attached to shapely calves underneath a pair of gray parachute capris! And a face of an angel hovered above it.

I was absolutely awe-struck. My first thought was, "Ano ba naman tong nanay nito. Pinapag-commute yung anak niya? Eh kung makidnap yan?"

Hehehe...but I swear on my boobs, she was pretty. I don't find it disturbing that I like to look at pretty girls. So I know how to appreciate beauty...in both genders. Is that bad? Hmmm...

Oh, speaking of shoes (for the second time) they were really cute! Parang yung sneaker sa People are People before..."some chinese name and some other chinese name" yun. Something like Yin and Yang sounding pero shempre hindi yun no, gets?

Anyway, my hunt for THOSE shoes shall commence tomorrow. As soon as I set foot in Rob, I will raid the Shoe Salon, Mendrez, People are People...maybe even Selfridge! Oh how I love shoes!

And now I gotta go. More disjointed musings tomorrow. Or whenever the the fancy strikes.

Laters!

Song of the Moment: Satellite - Dave Mathews Band

Random Thought of the Day: Totoo nga kaya ang Matrix?

Most Coveted Possession of the Day: Those sneakers I saw on Angel Face's feet. Hehehe...The hunt begins!

Word/s for the Day:Disjointed

2003-06-10T08:06:00.000-07:00

Four Hours In Lola's House: Of Exes and Telenovelas

I spent 4 hours in Nanay's house, hoping to get some peace and quiet so I can finish studying Kines (so I haven't finished it, sue me!) finally. Shempre ang sagwa ng napili kong oras!

Kasi naman, mega-overtime ako kanina sa Pedia. I finished at around 7pm na. Uber overtime na yun no, considering that 4:30 ang official time out ng Pedia people!

Anyway, I got to Nanay's at 7:45pm and we had dinner at 8pm while some God-forsaken telenovela (I think it's that one with Tonton and Chin-chin) played on TV. Oks lang...kumakain naman ako so kayang-kaya ko pa siya ma-ignore. After that, I sat down at the foyer while I studied. Telenovela after telenovela started parading in front of my eyes and began to assault my hapless brain. Oh agony! I even saw an ill-acting (can one even call that crap "acting"?!?) Pierre Paolo trying to convince his older sister not to accept some guy as their dad.

Oh goodness. Why oh why do Filipinos put up with this crap? It practically insults the viewer's intelligence. I mean, hello! Who the FUCK would put up with a Cruella-De-Ville-ish mother in law who splats her face into a creme-frosted cake after she overhears that girl telling her husband that she wants to move out and live on their own?!? And what idiot husband would not even investigate if his wife's claims were true (nagsumbong na once si Cecilia, if I remember correctly)...and what infinitely DAFT b*tch would continually be a martyr and suffer her mother-in-law's schizo-affective attacks for the "love" of her husband?! COME ON PEOPLE! This is CRAP! (ooh...I'm beginning to sound like a poster with a million nicks, many times banned and many times reborn! Hwahahaha!)

I ended up leaving earlier than planned. My brain and my intelligence (whatever's left of it anyway) could no longer tolerate being lambasted and stepped on. Thank God walang Kristine Hermosa flick kanina. No offense to her fans but her loveteam with Echo Rosales is getting so...blah. And she is such a lousy actress, I swear. She's Jacklyn Jose- unemotional without Jacklyn's charm and screen presence. Ladidah...BUT it doesn't change the fact that Echo's kinda cute. Harharhar.

In those four hours, I got to finish only three chapters (wonder of wonders that I even finished ONE, given the crap the TV was spouting) and regressed into my "other" thoughts.

I saw pictures of his ex the other day. Let's not name names...I would not appreciate it if she turns out to be an avid fan of my blog (as some of my friends are...I should put a blurb page here...so my friends can rave "ang galing ng blog mo! Makulit at makulay, parang ikaw!" and other pambobolas! hehehe...) and I get a text from her saying she doesn't like the way she was described in my blog (in which case, I would text back "Sorry, wrong number" Wahahahaha...bad bad ko!) and would like a formal letter of apology to be published in my blog.

Oh, going back to his ex, I saw her pictures the other day. Damn hell, she's friggin' cute! I swear, she's like a little kid... all sweet and innocent with that big toothy grin. And her baby pics...she WAS so adorable! In fact, I might even LOVE her...except for two things: she's my beloved's ex (and I am not very good with my bf's exes...hehehe...) and well...let's just say her pysche leaves something to be desired. Oh let's leave it at that. My "other" thoughts have nothing to do with her cuteness (but damn, she IS cute...the sort of cute that makes me "gigil"...like Nancy Castiglione) or her warped psyche. It has EVERYTHING to do with MY warped pysche.

Let's just say that I am going through the "Seventh Week Itch". If couples have a "Seven-Year Itch", I have my "Seventh Week Itch". It's when I begin to disect, resect, digest and molest (WHAT?!?) every detail of my current relationship and mull over them over several cups of coffee and packs of cigarettes (well, I used to but not this time. I've quit) all night and into the wee hours of cock-a-doodle-doo.

And in my hours of thinking, I unearthed some...errr...interesting details.

One, he is my only boyfriend who is only a few months older than I am. Ergo, we are basically the same age. That's one big surprise for me, which my friend Vero remimded me of. In one of our YM conversations, she said: "knowing you, you probably went for someone way older than you are." Funny how I do tend toward older guys. No wonder Dada was surprised to know how old he was. To quote my dear gurlfriend: "WHAT?!?" Hehehe...

Two, he hasn't changed much since our first day as a couple. He still texts a lot, calls a lot (kahit nagagalit ako na nasasayang lang ang load niya), he still misses me as much as he did before. He still HAS to see me everyday (or every other day, which is about as much as he can take...sapilitan na yung 2 days) and he still thinks of me MOST of the time (come on, one doesn't think of one's partner 24/7. Let's be realistic here!)...or so he claims.

Three, we hang out a lot at my house...which NEVER happened with past bf's for some reason or another.

Four, his ex...hmmm...let's get to that later.

Bakit ba napaka-significant sa akin ng 7-week mark?

Kasi ganito: 8 weeks = 2 months. and 2 months is the duration (give or take a couple more weeks) of my past two relationships (which I do not want to go into in detail as of the moment, thank you very much!), unfortunately. Therefore, I tend to be phobic of the 7th and 8th week as the 7th week is the Week of Anticipation (will we break up or not, is it worth going on or not? Magkakaiwanan nanaman ba?) and 8th week is Judgement Week. Oh hell, call me paranoid, schizo, psycho (I do BEG to disagree on this one, though...hehehe...) and whatever the hell you want but it is an established fact that I can never breathe easy until the 8th week has passed without notable events.

Although medyo fallacious nga ang 8th-week relaxation ko kasi things get f*cked up AFTER the 8th week has passed (one messed up 5 days after 8th week and the other at 13 days post) and not on 8th week itself.

Well, I got that covered this time. 9th week is Bet Week. It's one bet I would LOVE to lose. The bet goes: By this day (corresponding to 9th week), he would have left me. And he bets he'd still be around. Not only for Week 9...but until Week 10,000. Hahahaha!

So, that aside, let's go to his ex. I think I'll pass on the descriptions. Suffice it to say... he had wanted out during the last few months of it. And suffice it to say that I do not understand how he put up with it...and suffice it to say that, indeed, her psyche left a lot more to be desired. But as I said, let's not go there.

Let's just put it this way: I try hard not to be like his ex. I try not to make the same mistakes his ex made. Why? Maybe coz I want to increase my chances of losing the bet? Maybe because I just don't want anything in me to be related to (in my sister's words "maihambing"...ek!) his ex. Not that I hate her (and not that I love her either...although nang-gigigil talaga ako sa kanya...she's so CUTE!) nor do I hate him for putting up with her. Hey, to each his own. And I'm definitely not going to make his putting up with her an issue between the two of us. Dahil, unang una, tapos na yun. Past is past. Let's not breathe life into moldy skeletons. Pangalawa, what the hell for? What a waste of energy. I might as well put that energy into creative use, koratch?

But then again, I'm nothing like his ex! Basta...kung ano ako, hindi ganun yung ex niya. Teka...mali. Kung ano yung ex niya, hindi ako ganun. Tama na ba? Ah basta! Let's leave it at this: I do not want to repeat HER mistakes. I want to learn from them.

So what's the point of me writing all this ex-talk in my blog. EH GUSTO KO EH! PAKI MO BA?!?!

Hehehe...

Probe Team Commentary:I was laughing my head off watching Probe's Anniversary Special. They made them sell TAHO! Tapos dirty ice cream. At the height of Chedeng! Woohoo! Two years ago naman, pina-akyat sila sa Samal. Umiyak nga si Bernadette dun eh...ayaw na daw niya umakyat sa bundok. Di na daw niya kaya! Ang kulit kulit ni Love! Ang ingay ingay niya magbenta ng taho. Buti pa siya marunong mag-scoop ng taho...she also knows how to scoop out the water. Sina Che-che naman, old-fashioned way. Naglibot talaga. Eh sa Divisoria yun...andaming tao! My goodness! Ang galing nila! Sina Bernadette naman, sales talk! Ang galing, charm charm! Hehehe... Tapos nungnatapos sila, hindi sila kumain dun sa kainan ng halo-halo at pusit-palabok sa Divisoria Mall. Sayang di nila alam eh. Hehehe...

Eniwei, chili con carne, nasan na ba aketch? Hayun...my "other" thoughts. Ah, eto pa nga pala... Friday and Saturday nights, I dreamed of my ex in a non-threatening manner. Which is really really weird. I am a little...perplexed. And VERY tempted not to give it any thought. But growing up as I did given the way I am (past experiences nonwithstanding), I have learned NEVER to ignore my dreams.

Haaayyy...ang daldal ko no?

Sana matapos ko na yung Kines. Ang dami ko pang tatapusin, actually. Haaayy...ewan ko ba. Weird talaga. Auditory-distractible kasi ako so I find it hard to study pag may kahit konting ingay...pwera pag music. At dapat yun, pure music...as in music lang. Dapat minimal lang ang "speaking" noise, so that immediately strikes Starbucks Rob and Starbucks La Salle out. Ang ingay ingay dun, grabe! Sa Rob, andaming jologs. Sa La Salle naman, puro conio talk. Eitherway, ingay. Pwede pa sa Starbucks UN kasi medyo quiet ang atmosphere dun, kahit sa labas. Dumadaan lang dun, cars and trucks and an occasional ambulance papuntang MaDocs. Masaya sana mag-aral dun kung may kasama ako. Isama ko kaya siya...kaya lang gabi na yun. Mag-aalala nanaman ako sa pag-uwi niya. Wag na lang. Solo flight na lang ako.

I only have six weeks! Six weeks to finish my clearance. Six months to get my TOR and COG. Six weeks to apply at PRC for Boards. Six weeks to finish studying. Six weeks to make sure I assimilate every bit of information my poor neurons can hold.

Six more weeks of hell. Six more weeks till Judgement Day.

So, in six weeks, will I be a PRTP or a PTPP (PT Pul-pol hehehe...or PT Palpak)?!?

Probe Team Commentary ulit: Ang kulit talaga ni Love! Nilibre kasi sila sa pamasahe sa jeepney nung driver...so in return, nag-barker sila. Ang funny talaga! Sina Che-che, binigyan ng 50-cents discount nung driver ng nasakyan nila. Tapos nagbenta sila ng ice cream sa Project 2. Hindi pa marunong mag-scoop ng ice cream sila Cheche at Bernadette. Pero oks lang...si Love ang kapal talaga ng mukha! Nakakatuwa! Si Bernadette naman, kilala kaya maraming bumibili sa kanila. Sina Cheche din, kilala kaya may bumibili din. And saya ng mga gimik nila. Yung team ni Bernadette (Love Team), nag-stay in one place lang parang nung sa Taho Challenge. Kaya ayun, dinumog sila. Young and old alike. Kasi kilala nga si Bernadette kaya madaming bumibili sa kanila kahit hindi sila marunong maglagay ng ice cream sa cone. Team Sugod naman (Team ni Love), swerte kasi nakapunta sila sa isang place na gala ang mga bata. So andami ding bumibili. Tapos "Extortion" naman ang ginamit ni Love sa mga matatanda habang bumibili ng cones si Eliza. Sina Bernadette naman, in-offer-an sila ng isang karinderya na kumain dun nang walang bayad. Nahihiya pa nga si RObert nung una, kaso gutom din so kumain na rin siya.

Before ako magkuwento pa, dapat kasi, yung kikitain nila sa taho at ice cream challenge lang yung pwede nila gastusin kaya malaking bagay sa kanila na libre! Gets? Owki...tuloy...

May mga naawa din kina Love. Tapos sina Cheche, binentahan yung mga officemates nila sa Anonas Extension. Tapos nung naubos na yung cones nila at kumain sila, pina-ubos na nila sa ibang tao yung tirang ice cream. They earned 50 pesos additonal to their 1,930.60 Shempre bawas na dun yung pamasahe nila, yung pinambili nila ng cones at yung pinang-lunch nila. Nasira yung gulong ng cart nila Bernadette kaya sinakay na nila sa isang pick-up (which is not bawal naman) tapos pumirmi sa isang site tapos nagbenta sa terminal ng jeep. They made 2,004.75 from the ice cream. Team Sugod (Love's team) made 1,685 bucks. And they came in last. ANG FUN nito, sobra!

Eniwei, Manila Bay, ang tagal ko nang hindi nakakapag-row! Ni hindi nga ako makapag-gym! Ang taba ko na! Hindi na kasya sa akin yung iba kong clothes! Lalo na yung mga jeans ko! There was even a time na jogging pants at shirts na lang ang nasusuot ko dahil sobrang laki ng na-gain ko na weight! At my height, I reached 118 pounds. Ngyi...pretty traumatic when my usual weight is 105-108 lbs. Hehehe...

'By and I are planning to go swimming on Saturday, most probably in the afternoon. Kasi I have classes pa rin in the morning. Nice sana kung matuloy kami. At least, QT yun...plus makaka-work out kami together. We both get to lose weight! Siya din kailangan pumayat! Laki na ng tummy niya eh...Hihihi (Sorry Baby...totoo naman e!)

Probe Team Commentary once more: Love Team won a visit to Discovery Spa...wow...inggit ako. Love Team got a free ride to Ortigas, along with Team Extreme (Cheche's team)...all thanks to Bernadette! Ang lakas talaga ng charisma ni Bernadette! Hehehe! Sina Love naman, nag-barker nanaman sa bus kasi libre naman sila sa pamasahe. Pwede na sila mag-sideline ng barker! Hwahahaha! Tapos na nga yung challenge, puro pagbebenta pa rin ang napag-usapan nila. Sabi ni Cheche, mukha na daw silang pera! Sobrang tuwang-tuwa sila na sa Discovery Suites sila matutulog. Akala daw nila, sa barracks ng Camp Aguinaldo! Hehehe...

So anyway, they had to sell halo-halo naman in Marikina. Bawal na daw ang libre. They have to pay for everything na. Meaning, no more free rides and no more free lunches. Wahahaha.

So this time, they had to get to The Biggest Shoe in Marikina. Love's Team (Team Sugod) got there first and won 50 bucks extra...and they had to get their stuff and start selling at Freedom Park. And the fun continues next Tuesday night.

Hayun... with Probe Team over, I shall return to my "other" thoughts. Is there a possibility that, 9 months after my last relationship (and 5 months after his) I have found someone who will be The One.

I really don't believe in The One...as in like, may isang tao na talagang para sa iyo at kahit anong kabalbalan ang gawin mo, kahit anong kagaguhan ang ipataw mo sa kanya...siya at siya pa rin ang makakatuluyan mo. I don't like the idea. I don't like the thought of having even my future partner predestined. Ayoko nun...parang napaka-controlled. Parang wala akong say, wala akong choice. But to some extent, I believe that that there are some people you are MEANT to meet. How it turns out is up to you. Yun ang pagkakaiba sa The One theory.

Let me put it plainly. I was meant to meet (and hook up) with Alain. But it was up to me if I wanted a relationship to form and it was up to me (or to us) if I (or we) wanted it to flourish. Parang ganun. The people we meet are scheduled...parang manifesto ng passengers sa plane or sa ship. Depende na sa akin kung anong gagawin ko dun sa mga pasaherong sasakay sa buhay ko. Gets?

Whateyber, Lucifer! Basta ako inaantok...at shempre kinakabahan sa Boards. I tried answering some past Boards questions. My God! I got only 40% in my first try...Anatomy and Kinesiology pa lang yun ha! Hello! I need 70% to even get a SHOT at passing...huhuhu. Natatakot na talaga ako, to put it plainly. Natatakot ako sa possibility na hindi ko matatapos aralin lahat. Or matapos ko nga pero low retention level naman ako.

At natatakot ako na baka kailangan ko muna siya i-ignore for the next six weeks. Well, hindi naman "ignore" in the strictest sense. "Ignore" lang na tipong hindi ko siya masyadong maasikaso, baka hindi ko na siya masyadong maipagluto ng food niya sa house...or hindi kami masyadong magkikita. Scary gamble din yun...gusto pa naman namin lagi kaming nagkikita... Oh hell, I hate to even THINK about the possibilities I must consider with this sort of set-up. A-Y-O-K-O!!!

Haaayy...baka mag-aral na lang ako sa Starbucks UN bukas ng gabi...solo flight muna ako. Ig-glue ko muna yung pwet ko sa silya. Sana tahimik yung mga makatabi ko...at sana sa loob ako. Ayoko sa smoking area...baka ma-tempt ako magyosi ulit...hehehe...kape pa naman yun. Nicotine and caffeine go SO well together!

Anyway, sil 'vous plait (ano ba yan! Kung anu-ano na!), I gotta catch my Z's. 7 am ang class ko bukas tapos half-day nanaman sa Pedia. Sana mapapirma ko na lahat ng pwedeng mapa-pirma sa clearance ko, para menos sa mga aasikasuhin ko. Dapat maka-apply na ako sa PRC by next week eh. Oh hell...

Yun lang! Goodnight! Laters!

Ah hell...I miss him...

Song of the Moment: Crash Into Me - Dave Matthews Band
To quote: You've got your ball, you've got your chain. Tied to me tight, TIE ME UP AGAIN!

In short- itali mo pa ako ulit! It is not my desire na ma-untie from you. Tangina ang corny! I need coffee...and fast!

Random Thought of the Day: Passing the Boards would be one hell of an achievement. To Top the Boards would be PHENOMENAL. Now, do I go for the achievement or do I deign to give the phenomenon a chance? Or the better question would be: am I WILLING, am I READY to make the necessary sacrifices to achive that phenomenon? And if I am ready, if I am willing... is he?

Most Coveted Possession of the Day: A Top slot in the August 2003 Boards...and shopping money! So I can buy all the clothes I want for him...hehehe (conrol freak mode ON)!

Word/s for the Day: "Nakakatuwa!"

2003-06-06T10:23:00.000-07:00

Well...

There are just some things one cannot discuss in a blog. For one reason or another.

And I am not about to name those things. Nor am I about to enumerate the reasons why.

So sue me.

2003-06-02T09:24:00.000-07:00

Kawawa naman ako...

I was at Chez this morning, measured the ceiling and the walls, tsaka tried to rearrange the furniture and all the other stuff. Haayy...

My whole family, minus my dad, went to Glorietta today. We were going to get school shoes for my sibs. Wawa naman ako...since hindi na ako pumapasok, wala akong shoes. May pinapabili nga sana akong slippers sa Merrel eh... yung kulay blue na parang sandals na sa big toe lang yung parang strap. Alam mo yun...imbes na isa siyang malaking strap (parang yung slippers ni By), parang hiwalay siya ng strap sa big toe...di ko ma-explain! Hweniwei...sayang... korek na yung size e. Size seven na, ang ganda ng fit...super sakto! Tapos ayaw ni Mama. Oo nga naman kasi. Ka-price niya halos yung Vans na sneakers na gusto ko...pero kahit na! Daya! Ako lang ang walang nabili kanina! Maski si Mama, she got a dress. Ako...hindi. Haaay. Ang babaw no?

Nakita nga pala namin si Heart at si Sarah Christophers sa Starbucks kanina. Wala lang. Na-disilluison ako sa kanya. Mas cute pa siya sa TV...pero oks lang. Her butt is nicer in person! Harharhar!

Oh, I told Mama na By wants me to take care of the interiors of the house. Pati siya natuwa. I-videotape ko daw yung loob ng bahay para maka-input siya. Natuwa naman ako sa reation niya. Hehehe... may suggestion na agad siya...yung platform para sa bed, para hindi masyadong mababa.

Kanina nga pala, when they were picking out pillowcases for their hotdog pillows (daya...ako wala!), I was browsing the glassware. Ang daming canisters na magaganda...lalagyan ng coffee, milk, sugar, pasta, candies, salt at kung anik anik pa! Tapos ang daming cute na pitchers of water (pero shempre hindi kailangan yun kasi magwa-water dispenser naman kami eventually), tsaka mga baso. Tapos may nakita na akong shower curtain, tsaka matching na rug. Tapos mga tabo at pail na puti. Tsaka clothes hamper (for laundry). Tapos mga silverware...tsaka bedsheets! At pillowcases para sa floor pillows. Grabe, RIOT yung ideas sa utak ko. Hindi ko pa naman dala yung "Chez book" ko, so note nang note nang note sa Clie. Hwekhekhek.

Tapos ang dami kong nakitang clothes/accessories na gusto ko bilhin for him: sweatshirts, a windbreaker, a bag, really light rubber shoes, boxer shorts (hehehe), sports socks, polos, shirts, slacks...ang dami talaga! Pati suklay! Hehehehe...

Kanina nga pala (shet, patalon-talon ako magkuwento!), may bagong ayos nanaman ako na naisip sa bahay. Pwede pala maglagay ng sitting room dun sa main room. Tapos pwedeng hindi na yung big table ang dining table. Oks na sya sa kitchen, i-s-sand ko na lang at varnish. Oks na siyang natural. Nagdadalawang-isip na din ako sa orange na accent color eh. Parang mas maganda kung blue...shades of blue...para malamig sa mata. Relaxing pag-uwi niya. Gets? Tapos nalipat ko na yung bed dun sa "bed nook", tapos nag-measure na ako ng dimensions ng floor (iba sa ceiling yun kasi may slope yung ceiling) para sa rubber mats at pseudo-carpets. Tsaka para malaman ko kung gaano ka-laki ang pwedeng ilagay na floor pillows, area rugs, low tables at yung accent lighting na pwede ilagay.

Ang laki pala nung other room, yung plano naming gawing closet lang. Ang laki nya, sobra. Nasasayangan ako sa space. Gusto ko sana buksan yung wall para malaki yung kitchen..tapos ang hiwalay na lang yung bed area. Eh kaso wala namang time gawin yun eh so I'd just have to work around the structure (and budget) that we have.

By thinks I absolutely must meet his ex. It's not that, really. Gusto ko lang, curious lang ako. But if it will cause trouble, wag na. Hindi ko naman ikamamatay diba?

I miss my peyups friends. Hindi ko nga alam if they still consider me their "friend" since I don't get to hang with them anymore. Not that I could, given what I have to do. Still... oh well. The true ones will be there even after ten million years.

Speaking of true friends, miss ko na PT barkada ko. Miss ko na si Pepot at si Paolo. Miss ko na silang lahat! Huwah! I don't have a life anymore!

And I don't have a lot of time to sleep anymore!

Hwekhekhekhek...laters! Gotta catch them Z's!

Song of the Moment: Fighter - Christina Aguilera

Random Thought of the Day: When does materialism begin to become evil? Or does the mere want of material things spawn evil in itself? Even if those objects are for the common good?

Most Coveted Possession of the Day: Blue Merrel sandals/slippers. Perfect rain gear. Haaayyy...

Word/s for the Day: "Uy, pwede to sa bahay!"

2003-05-31T08:33:00.000-07:00

I am so LOST

Hindi ko na alam kung anong uunahin kong gagawin, kung anong una kong aaralin. Sometimes I wake up not knowing what I have to do for the day: do I have classes? What topic? Aabot pa ba ako? Masasaraduhan ba ako ng pinto? Maloloka na ba ako?!?

Pero shempz, thanks to By's Clie... solve! Hehehe...I now have a new "morning habit"... The Clie Habit. Bago pa man bumukas ang mata ko, Clie na hawak ko. Yes, hindi na cellphone. Clie na! Check sched... ah...oki...class at 8am, Low Back Pain lectures. Saka tingin sa cel: oh shit, 7am na! Teka...may text pa si By...basa muna...hekhekhek!

So hayun! Oh, I had dinner at Mang Jimmy's last night! Ang lakas talaga kumain ni Chris! Even more so now na wala na siyang inaalala!

Shet, ang bakla talaga ni Carlos Agassi! Sorry...I just had to say that! I was watching Buttercup, shempre while posting and while blogging! Did you forget I'm the Queen of multitasking?!? Anyway, I liked the show...except ang bakla talaga ni Carlos. Dapat sa kanya yung role ni Onemig..mas bakla pa siya sa kanilang lahat! Letch...pero I swear...nice yung show. Tuwa ako everloo! Para siyang Berks...or Click...or Gimik...or TGIS...or whatever...pero mas mature...mga 22-23 years old na mga tao... mas kapanipaniwala na sila in tackling mature issues. O devah?

Hwateyber.

Anyway, I gotta go and catch some Z's. Sana madala na niya sa apartment yung stuff niya. Nangangati na nga akong ayusin yung bahay.

Actually, plano ko mag-stay sa apartment before going to my 3pm class. Ang tanong: mag-aaral ako o mag-aayos? Hekhekhek... I think it's of no contest... Shempre mag-aayos no! Heller! Malaking area yung ide-decopage no! I think I'll do the ceiling first kasi yun ang white... so I guess I'll do that first. Excited na ako grabe! I want to literally TRANSFORM the house. I should've been an interior decorator, no? Hehehe...

Which reminds me, I need to get the contract from Amelie. Mahirap nang walang pinanghahawakan.

Sana talaga madala na niya yung gamit. Gustong-gusto ko na ayusin yung bahay! As in...

Nga pala, kagabi kasi hindi na niya ako nahatid. Well, actually ako ang nagsabing wag na. Para makauwi siya sa Bulacan. He wanted to get on kaso sinara na yung door and Manong Driver sped away. Anyway, I was at Taft corner Pedro Gil. Nasa dulo ako ng jeep and I was staring into nothingness. Tapos, there was this car sa kabilang lane, one car-length behind us. The driver rolled down his window and I saw a really cute guy! Okay, Chinese mestizo siya (which isn't exactly my type) pero cute siya! And he smiled at me. Nung una shempre, nagtataka pa ako kung ako ang nginitian niya. So I turned away (naka-stop kasi kami) but when I looked back, he smiled again. Tapos, nung Go na, he tailed the jeep pero sa kabilang lane, tapos he kept looking at me and smiling at me. Shempre ako kinakabahan na... kasi mega gitgit siya sa lahat ng sasakyan just to tail the jeep. May muntik pa siyang mabanggang trike. Anyway, nung bumaba ako, tinapatan niya ako and asked me " Need a ride?" HELLO! Shempre sabi ko, "No thanks. I'll just walk" Wala na kasing trike so...no choice. He asked for my name and I said another name...Alex ata sinabi ko. Tapos hindi pa nakuntento, sinabayan pa ako maglakad (shempre uber-slow sya magpaandar diba? Mahirap yun ha! Manual yung car niya eh!) at nangulit every three seconds kung ayaw ko ba talaga sumakay. So niligaw ko...kung saan-saan ako umikot... tapos sa Estrada, sabay turn around ako at liko sa Camachile. Eh alley yun...alanganamang sumunod siya diba...ayun... scary pa man din yun pag gabi. Mga two minutes later, lumabas ako at naglakad pauwi. ISkeyri I swear! But he gave me his number... nung una, sinabi lang niya. Ako nag-nod lang ako at sabi ko "Okay". Napansin niya na hindi ko sinulat so he held the wheel with one hand, and scribbled something on a receipt (from Starbucks...no surprise!) and handed it to me. A Globe line number. Wala namang name niya, idiot! Ayun, may-I-throw ko nga!

I was also checking out Astrology,com and I got this:

Your Rising Sign is Scorpio, don't be hurt if people keep their distance. It's not out of disgust, but out of reverent intimidation. You seem so intense -- it could be your penetrating gaze or the way you seductively lean against the wall -- whether you mean to or not! You're dynamically alluring, and people are inexplicably drawn to you. All this perceived sexiness is fun, but there's a downside to looking like a Scorpio -- you may seem moody and even a little dangerous. Enjoy the mystery factor -- it can be fun to be an enigma!

It is SO not fun to be ministerpreted! It's hard to convince people otherwise...becaue many people do not believe anything beyond what they can see with their eyes.But it's not like I can do anything about it...Oh well!

Moon is in Libra

Your desire for harmonious relationships and surroundings is so strong that you avoid personal confrontations or any expression of intense, unpleasant emotions. You are an idealist who would like to paint the world in pastel colors, and live in peace and harmony with others at all times. You are able to see points of similarity and unity with people who are vastly different from yourself, and befriend many different types of people. You are a considerate and thoughtful friend, and have a real flair for making others feel accepted and appreciated. Inwardly you are often torn with indecision and are much more at odds with yourself than others would ever guess from your smooth, even disposition

Harharhar, me down to every letter. Ah, stars, speak some more! Eto naman...love shit ko daw based on my sign (Venus in Libra):

Those visited by Libra in their House of Love are great romantics, truly idealistic and ever forgiving. They also love a world filled with beauty, so a five-star meal at an idyllic retreat is the way to wow this lover. Talk about foreplay! The mating dance is essential to those with Venus in Libra, appreciating as they do a bit of extravagance in the name of love. The prize for pampering this pet? Someone who is compassionate and there for their lover and who understands the importance of both a physical and mental attraction.

Ahha... physical and mental attraction. One cannot go without the other. Nuh-uh! Idealistic, great (if not hopeless) romantic...Go on, go on! I'm still in the mood to read...Passion naman daw...(Mars in Saggitarius)

If you have Mars in Sagittarius you are most likely to be loads of fun! You have an inner integrity that is backed up by an honest and very integrated expression. You speak your mind clearly and strive to remain true to your idealistic sense of how people can relate to one another. You are adventuresome, and love freedom in all forms. Your active and carefree nature attracts multitudes, your excitement being almost impossible to quell. This type of energy can be contagious and will spread like wildfire. In love, you are in tune with both your spiritual nature, and your very strongly felt animal appetites. You infuse the two, bringing this so called duality together through physical expression. You are curious and expend a lot of your energy through endless discovery. You offer spontaneity to your relationships and are happiest when you find your kindred spirit.

Again. Me in every letter. Weird shit... hwahahaha...physical expression, endless discovery, love all form of freedom... spontaniety...Sige pa! Keep 'em coming!

Eto naman...excerpts (mahaba kasi eh) of me on Healing (Chiron in Taurus):

...you bear a pain of neglect or that what you have is never enough...
At the heart of Taurus is a yearning for security and the pleasure of sensory stimulation: food, physical affection, bodily nourishment. Taurus loves to indulge, but with Chiron in Taurus, you're never quite full; as your stomach can feel empty, so too can your heart. Rather than wallowing in the haze of your hunger for what you lack, Chiron in Taurus encourages you to appreciate what you have. By cherishing gifts you already possess, you can share what you've learned from your pain with others. Give your time to causes dealing with a lack of resources: homelessness, hunger, neglected children, or for those wanting for affection or sensory or material comfort.

Now I know why I have the intense desire to help others. Chiron is the answer (shet ang corny ko! *hik*), let it BE! Harharhar...

Ahha...my Karmic sign!

Trying to find in others what is lacking in yourself often results in pain and disappointment. Somehow you always seem to end up with a partner who doesn't quite understand you, who limits and hinders you. The partner you choose may also be somewhat older or have a conservative outlook on life. As a result you may move from one bad relationship to the next, or stay in one relationship and take the role of martyr -- never realizing your true motivation. If you come to terms with the fact that you may not want to fully connect with another -- out of your own fear of intimacy -- there is potential for growth and understanding that you have the capacity of fulfillment within yourself. Your relationship can be source of suffering or of personal growth -- the decision is yours.

Libra through and through... me to every letter again! Whoa...weird weird weird shit! Asteeeg! Ginagago ata ako ng computer na ito eh! Hwekhekhekhek...

Excerpts from my Rebellion Sign (Uranus in Sagitarrius):

Uranus in Sagittarius is a great combination. Sagittarius is the explorer, always looking to discover new things. With Uranus always trying to change the world, revolutionary proceedings can occur at breakneck pace...
...spurred on by a generosity that is lacking in many other signs...

Hmmm...interesting...Pluto in Libra:

This generation, however, is determined to make all of their partnerships work out. They watch what has worked for previous generations and incorporate it into their own lives, and they see what has failed in the past and try to make working changes. Some of those born while Pluto was in Libra might cast aside the idea of formal marriage in favor of more unconventional approaches to unity. Others, however, may decide that the free-form approach does not work and choose to rely on the more conservative elements that worked for marriage in earlier generations.

Me to every letter. This is a conspiracy! You're kidney! Hwahahaha! Ito pa, Neptune in Sagittarius (Spirituality) excerpts:

...extremely idealistic and farsighted in their dreams...
...very liberal and expansive in outlook, and consequently churches become much more flexible and more eclectic in their approach during your life time. Religions that do not adapt to the broad-minded attitude of your age group simply are unable to attract very much interest and involvement from you...

Korek korek...actually. Even YFC wasn't enough for me. Haaayyy...napagod ako kaka-surf ng mga yan ha! Hwehehehe...but it was worth my while.

Anyway, chili con carne, I gotta go! Early pa ako aalis bukas. I'll decide where to go the moment I step onto Taft. Hihi.

Nyt nyt!

Song of the Moment: I Miss You - Incubus
To quote: I know I'll see you again, whether far or soon. But I need you to know that I care...and I miss you!

Random Thought of the Day: Shempre sana makuha ko yung TOR ko by the middle of June para maka-apply na ako sa PRC. Meaning, dapat matapos ko na yung Pedia stuff.

Most Coveted Possession of the Day: Ay shet, ang dami! I feel like a materialistic bitch whenever I enumerate them! But since I already am one, here goes: Clinique Happy (or yung imitation nya sa Petit Monde na scent!) kasi naamoy ko siya kanina...shet...I swear! It's addicting! Tapos this dress at Freeway! It's a tube dress with straps, purple ang dominant color (as expected). At Globe shoes I saw at SM North... tsaka yung slippers sa Tribu na orange...kahit Velcro siya...tapos...ah letche...materialistic bitch! Hwahahaha...

Word/s for the Day: "Tired..."

2003-05-28T01:46:00.000-07:00

He got me a CLIE!?!

I can't believe it! He showed it to me yesterday...and it has a music player...and a headset...and...it's in Japanese! Cool shit! Ang ganda ng resolution, nakakabasa ng pictures with amazing clarity...shet! The resolution is freaking AMAZING! (Obvious bang sobrang amazed ako?) Pwede ko siyang gamitin pang-YM with my cell via IR...pwede ko din daw siyang gawing remote control! Freaky cool shit!

I told him na sobrang maiinggit si Papa sa Clie if ever... siya naman, sobrang excited nang ayusin para madala na daw niya dito at gusto niyang makita yung reaction ni Papa pag nakita niya yung bago kong gadget! Hwekhekhekhek... Actually, sa calculations ko, si Kowiz ang mas maiinggit, being the "gadget maverick" among my siblings. But the best feature...explorer = peyups with my Clie!Hehehehe...sana i-install...Hekhekhek...

My mom's sick. Wawa naman...

Wala akong matinong maisulat ah...

Ay meron pala! Nagtext nanaman siya. Hindi ko lang maintindihan kung anong satisfaction ang nakukuha niya sa pag-text. Oh well... Maganda pa ring neuron exercises ang pag-decipher ng kanyang mga mensahe.

BTW, was at Chez last night. I made him dinner with the food he has stocked up: pancit canton, omelette at toasted bread! Wow...almost purely carbs with some protein and cholesterol thrown in! Hehehehe...ang sarap mag-grocery! Lahat na...meat, veggies, butter, cheeses, bread, yoghurt drinks, milk, cereals, canned stuff... whoa! Umaatake nanaman pagka-control freak ko! Pero shempz, hinay-hinay lang kasi wala pa yung fridge. Sa Saberday pa ata niya kukunin. Which means Monday pa siguro ako pwedeng magwala sa grocery! Harharhar.

Binenta ba naman ako sa Mom niya! Sabi ng mom niya, "Talaga? Tikman ko nga!" Nung nag-reunion sila last weekend, sinabi daw niya sa mom niya na sobrang galing ko daw mag-luto! Heller! Shempre natakot naman ako. Nervous pa naman ako mag-cook for other people. Paano kaya ako magluluto sa birthday niya?!? Shempre kinakabahan ako no! Kapampangan pa man din yung parents niya...so very good cooks! *kaba kaba* Pero he assures me that his mom doesn't cook pasta...so...maybe there is hope yet! Hahahaha...

Anyway, I gotta go wash the dishes muna. Then cook dinner. Mom doesn't feel well and I don't want her to tire herself further by cooking dinner...so it's Moi to the rescue!

Song of the Moment: Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head

Random Thought of the Day: I lost my umbrella! I left it sa jeep! No! Waaahhh! My beloved Mona Lisa is gone!

Most Coveted Possession of the Day: The Top Slot for August Boards 2003. Mangarap ka...

Word/s for the Day: "Am I safe?"

2003-05-26T07:04:00.000-07:00

Now What?

Right... so the opportunity came and we grabbed it. Well, now what? I mean, if that's all there will be to it, then where do we go from here? Oh well.

Wawa naman siya. Mag-isa siya sa apartment ngayon. Sabi ko na nga ba dapat nag-grocery na rin kami nung weekend eh. Tapos dapat bumili na kami ng other stuff for the house. Oh well, there'll be other times.

Argh, f*cking rain is ruining my schedule for the week. And pedia clinic is f*cking up my shcedule even more...causing me to miss my classes for the next five days! Argh! Tama ba naman yun?!?

Hwehehehe, mega-binenta daw niya ako sa Mom niya. Shempre kinabahan naman ako...we have to fix the place by then, paint the wall, put in the decor...set the menu...ooohhh scary!

Sabi niya may surprise daw siya sa akin bukas... shempre hindi ko maisip kung ano! MCPOTD ko daw yun...na makaka-help sa studies ko...and beyond. Hmmm...shempz di ko pa rin maisip (Am I daft?) hehehe...Oh well, what's 24 hours?

Sana tumigil na yung rain. Para hindi na ma-hassle bukas...

Song of the Moment: Rain - Madonna

Random Thought of the Day: Bakit ngayon pa pinili ng Diyos na bumagyo? Bakit ngayon pa na-sched yung Pedia? Bakit hindi pa rin ako pumapasok sa review? Papasa ba ako? (Yan ang random! Hehehe)

Most Coveted Possession of the Day: My license to practice my profession...and somewhere to practice...hehehe!

Word/s for the Day: "Damn Rain"

2003-05-22T03:52:00.000-07:00

Losing Time...

Review began yesterday and already I'm overwhelmed by the workload. Not that anything is new but to cram two years worth of lecture and practical application into two months just isn't neuron- (and eyebag-) friendly! My classes are all day (which is imperative if I am to pass) and that doesn't include self-review sessions (which are absolutely necessary if I am to...well...top the Boards. Not that I know I can but heck, it's worth a shot!) which will probably eat up the rest of my time na hindi kakainin ng tulog o paglamon. No time to train for rowing even! And to think there's an upcoming race in July. Oooh...sacrifices, sacrifices.

Speaking of sacrifices, matagal na akong hindi nagpe-peyups. It's quite a sacrifice on my part, considering how addicted I am to posting. I did post a couple of days ago but of course, it's not the same anymore. Hindi na ako masyadong maka-relate sa mga posters, hindi na ako updated sa chismis at shempz, wala akong masyadong mai-share (I no longer have a life! Harharhar!) sa postings ko. It could be I've outgrown peyups...pero hindi siguro. Maybe I've just gone so long without it that my system isn't used to it anymore. But I doubt I've outgrown peyups...not when I'm THAT addicted. Hwehehehehe...

Another sacrifice is quality time. Nasa office siya same time as I am at review class plus Saturday and Sunday. By the time he gets out of the office, I'm already home and dead tired at that. Not that we don't get tospend time together. He came over last night and had dinner here. But maybe the next few weeks (8 weeks, to be exact) may be a "dry spell" for us since he'd most probably be busy with modifying his current project with the new specs and I'll be...well...buried under books.

Of course we'd still be spending time, especially when we start decorating the apartment. Ang swerte talaga na nakuha namin yung apartment na yun. When I checked for apartments the night prior, hindi pa advertised yun. The next day, I checked again in the afternoon and I saw that apartment. Of course I called agad. And thank God we got it. It's not much but it's accessible from the office and it's pretty secure. Pasok din naman sa budget, kahit paano so I guess it'll do until we find a better place. But for now, it'll be home.

His home, anyway. It's really funny how my barkada reacted when I met up with them for our regular coffee-chika sessions and I was gushing about how we found this cute apartment and I was showing them floorplans and rough interior-decor sketches I made. They thought I'd be moving in with him! It was quite amusing how they were (blushingly) explaining that they got together half an hour earlier to discuss my impenind "live-in" situation. Sabi nila, I was a little unorthodox (little daw o! Hwehehehe) but this they did not expect from me.

I guess they're right...this I cannot do yet. I mean...heller?!? Live in?!? When I don't even have an income of my own yet. Of course I'm not about to depend on him for MY expenses. Heller?!? That won't be quite fair.

But I am excited to start decorating the house, habang hindi pa masyadong mabigat yung workload at medyo flexible pa ang scheduling ng lectures at exams. Besides, I might lose steam and those drawings may never come to life.

I was at Montalban today for the last of my surveying activities. Ang init sobra! Para akong tinutusta, although I was very productive. I surveyed twice as much as the other group, which had double the manpower. I'm quite tired though.

His family is coming home frm Germany tonight and he's off to the airport to pick them up. Buti naman at masusundo niya sila this time. Nahuli kasi siya nung aalis na sila so hindi siya naka-bye bye man lang.

One of my exes is still texting me, though his motives are unclear. Despite that, it's a bit unsettling when I ponder upon the reasons why he would even want to text still, let alone texting messages with such content. Oh well.

Eniwei, chili con carne, I'm off to Taft to get dinner. Tinatamad na ako magluto ng dinner at mas gugustuhin kong matulog, kung hindi lang nagyayaya yugn mga kapatid ko na kumain sa labas. Shempre hindi ako makatanggi no!

Hindi ko na masyadong nakakausap si John. Nakaka-guilty na nga minsan eh kaso madalas tumatawag when I'm talking to him. And sometimes, may gumamagamit lang kasi lagi ng phone. No, make that...MOST of the time may gumagamit ng phone. Hindi ko na sila makamusta ni Chey, though I hope they're okay.

Anyway, Manila Bay, I gotta go. My books await my eyes to glance upon them so that the visual stimuli may be transported to my brain and decoded into simple bits of memory with which to overload my poor, outnumbered neurons. Oh mercy! Harharhar!

Laters!

Song of the Moment: You Live Only Twice - Coldplay

Random Thought of the Day: There are only two kinds of people in this world: those who count and those who don't.

Most Coveted Possession of the Day: A car. I swear, I need a car. Para hindi ako ma-late sa klase... at para maka-drive by shooting ako...hardiharhar!

Word/s for the Day: "Whatever!"

2003-05-20T06:37:00.000-07:00

Considering Alternate Career

My creative juices are flowing! My hands are itching to decorate the interior of his apartment. And it's quite a challenge too! It's an attic about 30 square meters in area with a roof that's about 6 feet high sloping unevenly to 1 foot high towards the long side. The floor area has two bedrooms, one with a door and one without. Its only source of ventilation is the huge window that opens to a view of the pool. Yes, there is a pool. Unfortunately, it belongs to the family.

Anyway, I have lots of ideas for the place and I hope I can find the time to make them REAL! Review starts tomorrow and I don't know if I will still have time for all the things I want to do.

I hope I do.

Ciao!

Song of the Moment: Sleep All Day

Random Thought of the Day: Why can't I just practice without a license?

Most Coveted Possession of the Day: Sa Wakas, ang album ng Sugarfree. Yun pa rin.

Word/s for the Day: "Ours!"

2003-05-20T01:48:00.000-07:00

WE GOT IT!!!

We found this cute attic place sa Katipunan Extension. It's really cute. Medyo low yung ceiling for him pero oks lang. It would work well with the interior concept that I have. PEYUPS THEME! O diba? A house of peyups! Hehehe...

Anyway, we're both excited to clean up the place and start decorating. But for now...Ortho muna!

Laters!

2003-05-18T21:08:00.000-07:00

Ultimate Objective Achieved. Stand By for Updates!

Despite some minor glitches, mission has been completed. Shempre pinilosopo ko muna sila, binigyan ng maraming blank stares at kung anik anik pa. Pero oks na. No need to lie low. Hekhekhek.

At least now I know that we can hang out at home all we want. Mas mabuti pa daw yun...straight from the horse's mouth. Sabi nga ni Mama, "He's welcome naman eh. Hindi naman antipatiko ang dating nya. Kakausapin ko naman siya no. Eh kung si ***** nga na naiinis ako, kinakausap ko pa rin eh." Nung kinuwento ko to kay Ramil, sobrang tawa siya... well, it doesn't change the fact that we would have to work on the communication aspect. But heck...that'll be child's play!

Well, anyway. No need to lie low. At may nakuha akong blackmail material...again, straight from the horse's mouth. I quote: "We're not telling you what to do. You're already of age..."

Ahhah! Narinig ko rin sa kanila! Dapat pala nirecord ko yun at pwede ko i-playback pag kailangan ko ng back-up sa "negotiation". Hwahahaha!

But it still doesn't make sense. They say they don't want to tell me what to do coz I'm already "of age"...but they still treat me like a child. Weird shit.

Anyway, in response to my RTOTD (the one in green...hehe), Ramil apparently had a RTOTD along the same lines. My fascination is with Lady Deathstrike's hymen...and his is with Wolverine's foreskin. Seriously! Hwehehehe... we were discussing it last night on the way home. It's just funny how little things like that can grow into an hour-long debate of how to circumcise a mutant...hwehehehe! But that's not to say that our sexual preference may be a bit...err...skewed. We just happened to take their mutant powers beyond the film and applied it to everyday life. Which eventually brought me to the musings along these lines: if a woman is capable of regenerating her hymen everytime, won't sex hurt everytime? And won't it be so much more fun for the guy coz he'll be fucking a virgin everytime? Pero hindi ba kawawa naman yung girl nun? Masakit na lang everytime when her partner gets the longer end of the stick, ergo she gets pain while he gets pleasure. But then again that would work if the set-up were more S&M than actual wife-to-husband copulation i.e. making love. WHATEVER! Hmmm...the shit gets weirder and weirder. Blame caffeine. or the lack of nitrogenous wastes in my system. (That's because I haven't been eating meat lately... parang ang hirap nguyain...)

Heniwei, chili con carne, hindi pa rin ako tapos mag-review. I can't find my reviewer and I am so lost without it! Ahuhuhu...but then again basic anatomy and kinesiology needs no syllabus. Maybe tatapusin ko na lang sila tapos saka ko na poproblemahin yung make-up kosa Montalban on Thursday. At yung CTS-pedia make-ups ko. Tapos ang tagal pa nung TOR. Baka nga hindi pa nila prinocess eh. Sasakalin ko sila everloo! Kailangan ko yunto apply for the Boards! I swear, pag ako hindi nakapag-Boards dahil dun... I will keeeeeeeeeeeell them!

Hay...miss ko na mag-peyups! Pero oks lang. I need to let go of something so that I may grasp another in my hands. Diba diba?!?

I still have not completely absorbed the fact that we need not lie low anymore. Whoa... sometimes it's too good that it's hard to believe it's true! But it is true. But it does pile on more pressure on us both. We shouldn't fight...well, we haven't anyway but sooner or later, in one form or another we might. And, well, as my mom so loves to put it, we should "behave"... whatever that means! I personally interpret that as don't do anything you wouldn't be caught dead doing if your life depended on it. Hmmm... and the things that fall under that category (at least for me) are those that I don't think I'll be able to do until about a couple of years has elapsed. Hwehehehe...

Oh hell. Maybe I should go study for a while. Au revoir!

Song of the Moment: Bring Me To Life - Evanescence

Random Thought of the Day: Is it that difficult to behave?!? Why do they make it sound like it's as hard as walking on hot coals?

Most Coveted Possession of the Day: Sa Wakas, ang album ng Sugarfree. Saka na Clie! Hwehehehe...

Word/s for the Day: "Eventually"

2003-05-17T19:21:00.000-07:00

The Blog is fucked up...

So kindly ignore the entry down below....

As I was saying, yesterday was a very nice day... despite the shit that happened last night. We went to find the apartments...the one we did find was like...let's just say, I wouldn't live there even if it was 1,000 a month. Hahaha...

Then we scrounged around Recto for my books. Ramil found this hidden store...where I found two of my books...hardbound, in good condition and FUCKING CHEAP!!! Dinemolish na pala yung ibang stores so medyo limited na yugn choices pero ok naman. I managed to get six books for three thousand bucks: among them Braddom, De Lisa and Guyton... hardbound lahat!

I just wish they could be a bit "warmer"... naiinis ako kahapon. Sa sobrang frustration ko, naiiyak ako habang nanonood ng Matrix! Hello! Kainis ever!

Eniwei chili con carne, I want to get out of here... pero kailangan ko ata samahan sila Mama na ipaayos yung phone ni Kowiz. Nagpapasama na nga lang, nagpapahintay pa. Nainis na nga ako eh. Sinabi ko tuloy na maging definite sa time na aalis para makaplano akong araw ko. Napaka- inconsiderate. Nasanay ata na lagi akong at her disposal.

Hah...with the way she's been acting...ASA PA! Hmf!

Song of the Moment: The Silent Man - Dream Theater

Random Thought of the Day: Pag nagpapasama ka, maging punctual ka. Kahit anak LANG ako, you're still asking me a favor...and even MY time is valuable.

Most Coveted Possession of the Day: Apartment. NOW!

Word/s for the Day: Letche!

2003-05-17T19:18:00.000-07:00

Come to think of it...it was a nice day!

Song of the Moment: Bitch - Meredith Brooks

Random Thought of the Day: Masama ba talaga sumagot sa magulang?

Most Coveted Possession of the Day: A .45 Browning pistol. Don't ask why. If you do, I'm gonna have to test-fire it on you. Harharhar...

2003-05-17T09:35:00.000-07:00

Must they be so HOSTILE?!?

Seriously?!?! Can they not act like human beings? Must they be cold, manner-less, inhuman creatures?!? Really...Nakakasira ng mood! If he leaves me because of this, they will never hear the end of this. Ever.

Song of the Moment: Bitch - Meredith Brooks

Random Thought of the Day: Masama ba talaga sumagot sa magulang?

Most Coveted Possession of the Day: A .45 Browning pistol. Don't ask why. If you do, I'm gonna have to test-fire it on you. Harharhar...

2003-05-16T08:50:00.000-07:00

Peyups Withdrawal Syndrome - the symptoms kick in...

It's been almost a whole week since I last logged into peyups. I can't even access it from my PC to lurk! Argh...although it was my idea (or shall I say, I was coerced into agreeing to it) to have myself "blocked" from peyups so that I can study (and he was such an angel to accomplish that for me, haha!) for the Boards.

I was in Montalban today. It was so damn hot and I was minutes away from heat stroke when I got an ice-cold soda. Never mind avoiding soda! It was hot and it was liquid. COLD LIQUID! And when I got back to the Center, I downed three cans of fruit juice while encoding the data we had gathered that day.

And of course, I was thinking of how many posts I could put into peyups just ranting about the heat, the multitude of PWD's waiting to be discovered, the sheer poverty of the people in that town...I could go on and on. Then I remembered: no peyups. How sad! Huwaaaahhh!

Anyway, we saw X-Men 2 and I think it was better than the first movie. That girl similar to Logan really caught my eye. I don't think I got her name...I was too fascinated by five adamantium (did I spell it right? And I call myself an X-Men lover...how pathetic!) fingernails and the oh-so-quick recovery from multiple stab wounds to the chest that could have collapsed both lungs and probably pierced the heart as well. Amazing! Ang cool siguro if I could have that ability- to heal quickly. Whoa baby! Whack me with that axe one more time! It ain't gonna hurt shit...Hwahahahahaha!

My dad got a Nokia 6610! Inggit ako...may radio kasi yun eh. Ako wala! Huhuhu... I can't wait to get my camera headset so I can have tons of wallpapers to choose from. Hekhekhek...

Planning to go to Recto tomorrow to get the rest of the books I need for review and then go check out the apartments. I had set a movie date with Eric and Rache kaso shempre, nagpaka- KJ nanaman yung Nanay ko at hindi ako pinayagan! Peyups thing daw... and she doesn't trust me with "peyups things" anymore. WTF? Hindi naman ibig sabihin lahat ng peyups people ay tulad ni..ni...ah basta! She's old enough to know (and she did take up Philo in UP Diliman years before!) that she was making a (very) hasty generalization about peyups people! HIndi lahat ng taga-peyups ay tulad ni...ni... basta! Hindi lahat ng tao sa peyups ay uber-dense, uber-manhid at uber-hirap umintindi! *rolls eyes*

Hweniwei, miss na miss ko na mag-peyups! I am anticipating August kasi saka pa lang ako makakapag-peyups! But of course, I also dread it kasi Boards na yun...and I haven't even finished 1% of the stuff needed!

Laters...

Song of the Moment: Mariposa - Sugarfree
To quote from the absolutely wonderful song: "Di mo lang alam, inaasam ang panahong makapiling ka sa una't huling pagkakataon"

Random Thought of the Day: That girl with the same mutation as Logan, she heals quick right? So does that mean she will forever be a physiologic virgin? I mean, after her hymen gets torn after intercourse, it repairs almost instantly. Ouch...hindi kaya ang sakit nun? Pero sobrang saya naman nun for the guy no? Hwahahaha...just a thought!

Word/s for the Day: Weird Shit!

Most Coveted Possession of the Day: Sa Wakas - Sugarfree's album. Pag nakuha ko yun, pati ako masasabi ko nang "Sa wakas!" with matching sigh of relief! Harharhar!

Kaya ko kaya maging ovo-lacto-vegetarian? Masyado pa namang masarap kumain...baka mamatay ako sa gutom nun! Harharhar! For health reasons naman eh... hindi lang pautot. It's just that...shet! Pagkain yun! I-deprive mo na ako ng kahit ano wag lang pagkain (at phone at peyups at...at... LOL)

Anyway, laters! Sleep muna!

2003-05-14T23:08:00.000-07:00

MY Mission Accomplished!

I called up all the apartments today and we have three (or five, kung kasama yung sa Visayas Ave) potential apartments. Mabuti na rin na makahanap na siya ng sarili niyang place. Better that way kesa naman nasa lab siya at namomoroblema. At least kung apartment, andun lang yun. Besides, that way hindi na kailangang magpalaba kasi pwede naman sa bahay. Hindi na kailangan bumili ng food. Pwede na magluto ng meals...pwede pa magbaon! O hah! Hahaha...

In some deep primitive level, naiinggit ako sa kanya na nakahiwalay na siya sa pamilya niya. Nakakapagod na rin kasi minsan dito. Oo masaya silang kasama but they still treat me like a child. Alam mo, if only my parents can get one principle in their head, JUST ONE, okay na lahat ng problema ko. Hindi yata nila maintidihan na matanda na ako! It's like living alone (or apart) is a last-ditch effort to prove my adulthood and to remind them that I have been living my own life since I was 13.

Speaking of last-ditch, could the latest developments have been a last-ditch something? If he was referring to himself, could it have been a last-ditch effort to have me look beyond all the harsh words he has said and all the things he has done (and all that he didn't do) and see his true feelings? But after all that, I don't think so! Not after everything...his harsh words, his...errr... inappropriate messages. If he was referring to my present love, could it be a last-ditch effort at sabotage? Well, it's a botched attempt at that. I know my love cannot and will not do to me what ex did. He doesn't even have a history of that! And if he was referring to me... Eh ano ngayon? Like I said, the FUCK I care!

Oh shit... It's May 15. The month is half-done and I have barely finished one chapter of the book that I'm reading! I swear, I am giving myself until tonight to finish Snell! Maybe I should ignore the household and the rest of the world for the next week or so. Just so I can finish Snell and Brunnstrom at the very least.

Shit...and I still have to buy my books! Damn...

Oh well..laters!

Song of the Moment: Not This Time - Cultured Pearls

Random Thought of the Day: Matatapos ko ang review. And I will ace that exam...I will I will!

Most Coveted Possession of the Day: Sa Wakas, ang album ng Sugarfree. Sabi ko na nga ba dapat binili ko na to dati pa eh!

Anyway, kaya ko to. I know so. Masunod ko lang sana ng time table ko. And having Ramil block peyups from my PC was a good idea. The temptation can get as strong as it can but I'd be helpless anyway! Oh Joy! Harharhar. It helps...since sobrang tinatamad na ako lagi. Half of May has passed me by with no developments and no improvements. Jeez! At the rate I am going, I'll probably fail the Boards and have to retake it in February. How sad. But of course I won't let that happen.

And have someone smirk at my failure. Hah! Over my cold, limp dead body! But of course, whether I pass the Boards or not, this someone might as well pull over in front of my house and shoot me down. Or abduct me from review class, tear me apart limb from limb and throw my remains into a ditch or some forsaken river.

With someone THAT sick... anything's possible...

I'm not sure I want to live here anymore...hahaha!

Word/s for the Day: "If ever..."

2003-05-14T20:21:00.000-07:00

Excalibur Strikes Again!

Hindi ko alam kung anong gusto niyang ipahiwatig...I swear! I am scared and angry and I feel pity for him all at the same time. Ano nanaman bang drama yun? Inatake kaya ng kasentihan dahil May na? Is it a threat against my present love? Or is it another threat? I am so sick and tired of getting these messages. To put it bluntly, the FUCK I care...

Anyway, I'm glad things turned out for the better para sa aking dear friend. I'm glad hindi na siya magwoworry...till next month anyway. Harharhar. I learned a whole lot of new information from a professional so that should be good for storage and for use in future endeavors. At least may pupuntahan na ako next month if ever...

Anyway, we're checking out two apartments in the QC area this weekend, if ever. Sana suitable yung location at sana hindi ma-hassle puntahan.

Shit, May is half-gone at hindi pa ako nag-aaral! I must be totally nuts!

Song of the Moment: In The Throes of Denial - Sybarit

Random Thought of the Day: May is half-gone and I have barely finished a chapter for review. Am I crazy? Overconfident? Or plain lazy?

Most Coveted Possession of the Day: Sony Clie pa rin. Walang kamatayan! Harharhar...

Oh...and complete freedom to exercise my independence. BTW, he was here last night and he had dinner here. It's just like the way Kaiz is with Jen. It's too good to be true and I dare not hope for fear of being crushed.

2003-05-08T01:36:00.000-07:00

2003-05-08T01:30:00.000-07:00

I worry a lot...

Kaiz's cap got snatched this afternoon but he caught the guy and he got his cap back. The two accomplices...hindi nakaporma. Sinipa lang daw ni Kaiz. He's unharmed but full of scratches. I'm just thankful he wasn't stabbed. I think the attackers meant to stab my brother. Maybe they got stunned that he fought back. I think they never expected him to fight back, let alone get his cap back.I'm just afraid that the attackers will come back for him. Maybe stab him or shoot him point blank. I'm really scared for him.

Song of the Moment: Unwell - Matchbox 20

Random Thought of the Day: My brother is so strong but what can he do against a gun?

Most Coveted Possession of the Day: Sony Clie pa rin. Walang kamatayan! Harharhar...

2003-05-07T09:26:00.000-07:00

It really could be somewhat better...

I told my dad and my sibs that he'll be joining us on Saturday at 8 Waves. After all, he lives a few minutes from the place, I might as well have him over. Besides, Jen's gonna be with us so why can't he be? Hehehe... My mom is the next victim of my powers of persuasion. I KNOW I will convince her that it isn't a big deal... Indeed, it ain't!

Shit, I haven't started studying yet. I have finished one chapter of Human Anatomy but that's it! Then I still have to do a paper for my last patient. If I don't submit it tomorrow, I am fucking screwed (isn't that redundant?)! Oh well, I will find time to do that...maybe wake up at 5am later and do the paper.

Ngayon ko lang na-realize na somber ang mood ng posts ko lately. Hindi na patawa, hindi makulit tulad ng mga nauna. Masyado ata akong stressed eh. Siguro worried lang talaga ako sa Boards. Natatakot ako kaya prine-pressure ko ang sarili ko. My dad expects me to top. Ramil also wants me to top and he's encouraging me every day to study study study. Nung nagpunta pa ako sa POC para magpapirma ng clearance, lalo akong kinabahan. The head PT remembers my name. Not only that, my FULL name! Jeez. To think na August 2002 pa ako dun! And before I left, he said, "Aabangan ko pangalan mo sa diyaryo ha." Holy shit... nakakatakot!

Anyway, isa pang kinaka-worry ko is the possibility of me losing time for him. My classes are 8am to 3pm. After that, shempre self-review pa. Gym din siguro plus chores sa bahay. Nagu-guilty ako sa possibility na yun. Siya pa naman, gusto niyang nakikita ako araw-araw, which is so okay with me. Problema, nasa office siya frm 8 to 5 tapos ang layo ko pa. Ayoko namang mapagod siya at ma-stress dahil sa akin. Travelling from QC to Manila is living hell due to traffic at ayaw na ayaw pa naman niyang maramihang sakay...I'll work something out.

Heniwei, chili con carne. My new phone is good for Internet browsing and for YM. Nakaka-aliw. Tsaka love ko yung ringtone ko ngayon kaya enjoy ako sa phone ko. I can't wait to get a data cable and a camera headset. Gagawin kong wallpaper yung picture namin! At gagamitin kong background ng folders ko yung pics! Hwahahahaha!

I guess I gotta hit the sack. Dapat fully functional ang utak ko mamayang alas-singko para magawa ko nang mabilis yung paper ko. May home program pa pala yun. I still have to settle the issue of that lost IE. Hindi ko namang kasalanang hindi nila natanggap sa Nepal eh. Besides, I can't find the eval. Not my fault anymore!

I gotta sleep. Laters!

Song of the Moment: Comfort in Your Strangeness - Cynthia Alexander

Random Thought of the Day: Saan magandang kumuha ng apartment? Possessive ba ako? Masama ba yun? Hindi naman ako selosa pero possessive ako...

Most Coveted Possession of the Day: Sony Clie pa rin, dammit!

...and legality, as always. And to shop for his clothes and accessories. And to live happily until the end of our lifetimes! Lolz... abuso na yan!

2003-05-05T10:38:00.000-07:00

Phase I Complete, Phase II initiating...

On the way to legality...yun lang ang masasabi ko. I've told my dad that there's someone new in my life...well, sort of. Long story but to sumit up: we're getting there.

Song of the Moment: Perfect Day- U2

Random Thought of the Day: I can justify it. So sue me!

Most Coveted Possession of the Day: Sony Clie

2003-05-05T03:27:00.000-07:00

2003-05-03T22:53:00.000-07:00

EUREKA!

Now I know why I don't believe in courtship...after years of trying to get to the root of this whole I-don't-believe-in-courtship-so-we-might-as-well-get-it-on mentality, I finally got it. And it's so f*cking simple that I can't believe I never thought of it years ago!

The reason I don't believe in courtship is because I easily get bored. And so I want to milk the whole getting-to-know-you shebang for every ounce of mystery and excitement it can offer. Not to say, of course, na porque magkakilala na kami totally ay mabo-bore ako to death. It just means that I want to extend the excitement a whole lot longer! Harharhar...

Getting to matters of Boards: hindi pa ako nakaka-enrol! Pero bukas mage-enrol na talaga ako...hopefully Batch 7 ako. Ayoko ng night classes... no time for Baby... hihi...

At hindi pa ako nagse-self study! Oh no! I am so dead! Four days into May and I have not even started yet! Oh no! I am so freaking dead! Huwaaaah! Starting Monday, I will be hanging out at the library at doon ako mag-aaral. Walang peyups, walang YM. Wala wala wala! Sana naman by that time, makaka-concentrate na ako at makakasimula! Kailangan ko mag-top! Gusto ko mag-top sa Boards! Argh! Kaya nga pinalitan ko na yung sig ko sa Peyups and hopefully ay mapanindigan ko...

Isa pa palang problema: probie ako sa bahay! Nakakainis! Hello! Ang daya talaga! Baket ako minomonitor? Kamoni-monitor ba naman ang buhay ko? Bakit? Ako ba ang kinailangang kausapin ang profs dahil sa uniform violation? Ako ba ang bumagsak sa mga subjects ko at kinailangan kausapin yung mga teachers ko? Ako ba ang kinailangan mag-summer classes? Nag-removals na ako pero NEVER pa akong nagsummer! Ako ba ang madalas na gabihin sa labas at hindi tumatawag?!? Hello! Minsan na nga lang ako lumabas, napaka-controlled pa. Napaka-repressed pa! Minsan na nga lang ako gabihin, mega-sermon pa! Pero kung si utol yan, wala lang. Konting sermon and he can do it again! UNFAIR! Di ba nila maintindihan na I had a life and I still do and that I need to go on living it?!?

Nakakinis kasi..napaka-unfair! I have been living my own life since high school at masyadong nakakagulat at nakakapanibago na ngayon sila maghihigpit. Konting sabi ko lang na lalabas ako, para na silang pulis kung magtanong. Tapos napaka-paranoid sa mga guys na kasama ko. Hello! Unang una, hindi lahat ng lalaki ay tulad ni...ni...ah basta...hindi lahat ng lalaki ay dense at hirap umintindi! Pangalawa, hindi porke't lalaki ang kasama ko ay potential stalker ko na sila. Wag naman sana i-lump together lahat ng guys na kasama ko into one category. A rotten apple in the barrel doesn't mean that the whole barrel is rotten! Pangatlo at pinaka-importante: HINDI NA AKO BATA! What part of that simple four-word sentence don't they understand?

Letche...

Anyway, sabi naman ni Ramil na baka namimiss lang daw ako ng parents ko kaya sila naghihigpit. I'm sorry. I just don't buy that crap. Besides, the more they do this to me, the more they treat me like a child...the more I want to prove to them that I'm not. Sure, I'd like to see what they'd do if I just ran away from home, got a job and a place of my own. I wonder if that would be enough to shake them awake.

Pero helpless pa kasi ako as of now eh. Nakakainis... I guess I'd just have to make do with the time I can spend outside the house and prepare for my eventual life away from them.

Maybe time is all I need to make them realize that I am no longer a child...

Song of the Moment: Satellite - David Matthews Band

Random Thought of the Day: How do I make my parents realize that I am no longer a child without breaking their hearts and our bonds?

This, I really have to figure out soon. For my sanity's sake...

Most Coveted Possession of the Day: Age- appropriate independence

and legality! Heheheh...Oh and this insanely simple but really cute silver and maroon watch at Swatch! I swear! Ang cute nya in its simplicity! Oh hell...

BTW, I want to go shopping for his clothes. Lots and lots and lots of clothes! And shoes! Nae-excite naman ako! Ang saya saya nun! I'd buy all those polos and those shirts and the slacks and that pair of shoes I saw at Mendrez...gwapo shet! Hehehe... Tapos mga pambahay na shorts and shirts, boxers, slippers, socks. Tapos toiletries, sheets, pillowcases, doormats, pamunas sa fridge...

Control freak ba? Harharhar...

We'll also be checking out an apartment in Eli's area. But it's not for me. It's for him. Nae-excite na din ako for that. Bakit...kasi....wala lang...exciting lang na magluto for him. Para healthy yung food niya at hindi puro take-out shit... kaya ang usapan is that magluluto kami ng maraming food once a week tapos if-freeze na lang niya. Microwave as needed. Or scoop into lalagyan ng baon as appropriate. Heehee... Shempre kasama na yung pag-grocery namin ng supplies niya for the week and stuff like that... tapos pag-organize ng kitchen, ng food...gosh...saya!

Well anyway, no more Peyups for me. Time to start studying for the Boards...I have to top it. (ambisyosa!)

Libre naman mangarap diba? Unfortunately, ang review at books, may bayad...damn...

Laters!

2003-04-29T09:27:00.000-07:00

Blog lurker!

It's actually very amusing... I am seriously considering transferring my blog to another adress. Or removing all my sh*t down there (SOTM, RTD, MCPOD)...

But what he did today was really sweet...and very amusing. Hehehe...thank you!

And I hope you don't try to pull another one like that... it works only once and you've had your chance!

Hahaha...

Song of the Moment: Lost in Space - Lighthouse Family

Random Thought of the Day: When does "long term planning" begin?

For some unfathomable reason, I wanted to ponder on that.

Most Coveted Possession of the Day: Blueberry cheesecake

Yeah...kanina pa to... resist the urge! Argh!

Uy...new phrase for the day..."What about me?"

Harharhar...

2003-04-28T07:47:00.000-07:00

History repeats itself....

..and decides to wear a mask to the ball. F*ck! What the f*ck am I talking about?!? Honestly I don't know. It's just that... there's too much similarity, too much history in front of me going on in the present that I can't relax and I can't NOT think about it. Taena, kailangan ko siyang ilabas. Kailangan ko siyang ma-explain or else I will scream myself to death!

Let's backtrack a little... I was ranting about history repeating itself and it deciding to wear a mask to the ball. F*cking sh*t! This is so psycho-esque and a little Jayson-esque at the same time, you know? I mean, this is so Jayson-esque whirlwind type sh*t and it is a little psycho-esque in that it presents so much opportunity for me to make the same mistakes as I did in that period.

Wait, I'm still not making sense.

Let me backtrack a little bit more.

The mistake I call Jayson and I was a product of a whirlwind thing over the net and eventually over text. Blame hormones. Blame my sickening hopelessly-hopeful romantic syndrome. Hell, blame God for allowing me to wreak havoc in my own life. Blame whoever the f*ck you want but it doesn't change the fact that this good-for-nothing-no-balls creature literally just disappeared off the face of this damned world and I ceased to exist to him. Never mind that I heard otherwise (and that he is now asking about me..the f*ck I care!). It doesn't change the fact that he walked out on me just when I convinced myself that it was for real and that I do love him and I can spend the rest of my life with him...and it f*cking hurt! Dammit...it hurt so bad that I wanted so much to curse at him when he had the nerve to APOLOGIZE for leaving without a word! Damn, he should be hung by a hook jammed up his ass, covered with honey and devoured by fire ants!

Now, psycho-esque is explained by the presence of so many opportunities for me to make the same (and possibly even bigger) mistakes that I committed during THAT timeframe. The whole thing started out with a mistake and everything else that followed were even bigger boo-boo. If it wasn't so, how the heck can a badger sire a cow? D-u-h...

And that mask thingie: simple. It's got a different face, a different identity. An old predicament with a new name. An old enemy with a new face. An old problem with a new solution.

Get my point? No? Well screw you! Harharhar..

Oh my God! I can actually LAUGH now! What the f*ck is wrong with me?!? THIS is what's wrong with me, in four of the simplest but most complicated words that I can find: I DO NOT KNOW.

The long and short of it is that I'm freaking scared! I'm freaking scared of being walked-out on, the way Jayson oh-so-non-chalantly walked out on me as if the whole world would stop turning if he didn't (the hell it will!). I'm freaking scared of making the same mistakes as I did during the psycho-period and end up regretting them for the rest of my life and scarring my future relationships because of it (as it is now).

And in the deepest, most secret part of me: I am scared to be wrong that he and I share something. I'm afraid that what we share turns out to be nothing at all.

Song of the Moment: Glory Box - Portishead
I quote: "Give me a reason to love you..."

Random Thought of the Day: When does the past become so distant so as to lose all power over the present and the future? In the first place, did it ever have a hand or does it always do?

As always, I am not making sense.

Hey, I have new sh*t for my blog: see see down there!

Most Coveted Possession of the Day: After Eden: A Graphic Novel

It's something along the lines of Wasted by Gerry Alanguilan. Unfortunately, I saw it at National Bookstore when I didn't have the money to buy it. Darn!

2003-04-27T10:49:00.000-07:00

Which Star-Crossed Marvel Lover Are You?

Got this link form 'by's blog. That was my second take. The first time I took it was one week into my break-up with Ex5. Storm ako noon...Love is a luxury she cann't afford. Nye! Hwehehehe. But I can't be Rogue! I'm too tactile to be Rogue! Harharhar!

Been posting all day. Tapos nagwala nanaman dad ko at shempre inaway ko sila ni Mama back. Ano ako, bata?!?

Anyway, gotta sleep na. Pasok pa.

All this talk, though, about an eventual life together made my brain go into overdrive. I hope I'm not playing the fool this time.

Goodnight!

Random Thought of the Day: When does love start and stupidity start? Or should it be, when does stupidity end and love start? Whatever!

2003-04-27T03:31:00.000-07:00

Swordswoman
unchallenged in the path of the sword. They are the masters of the blade. Give them a katana or a broad sword, and no one will be able to go near them without being cut into pieces. This makes them the best bodyguards, whether you are traveling or in need of security for an event. Just make sure you have enough money to pay them. They generally won’t accept tasks that will make them harm people unjustly. They are deadly, but only if you are threatening the ones they defend.

[Take the test here][Official website]

Got that somewhere. Yan daw ako. Hehehehe...

2003-04-23T02:00:00.000-07:00

Masahista in Boots on Graduation Day!

I was in boots. So? I stood out. So?

Graduate naman...

Unemployed nga lang.

2003-04-21T10:01:00.000-07:00

I think too much...

I have ruminated on my thoughts with John. At least now I feel better. I guessI was just a little shaken up, hormonal imbalance nonwithstanding...

And I still want to lose that bet. He seems keen on proving me wrong anyway. Thank God.

Now I can sleep.

Song of the Moment: Mariposa - Sugarfree

Randon Thought of the Day: It's so tiring to be right all of the time. Sometimes, I just need to lose. And If I lose on this one, I'll be f*cking glad!

2003-04-21T07:49:00.000-07:00

A lose-lose wager with my heart as the ante...

We had "breakfast" today at the clinic. He was in the middle of saying "I love you" repeatedly when I suddenly said, "You know, I don't think you love me. You're just infatuated." I'm sure he was taken aback. He just stared at me for a second or so (but it seemed like a year! Harharhar) And he asked me what made me say that. Sabi ko, kasi masyado kaming mabilis and he hardly even knows me. Sabi niya, "I have a theory. It's because we are so much alike that it's like knowing each other." The ever so stupid me pushed the situation by stating, "I'm willing to bet, iiwanan mo din ako after two months. Two months and you'll walk away. I'm pretty sure of it."

He made a bet with me and asked me what would be up for grabs. Napatigil ako dun. It just struck me that it's a lose-lose situation to bet on it. If I win, it obviously sucks coz by then he'd be walking away from me... and if I lose, it's just the same: I remain the shielded idiot that I am now.

I know it sucks to make the present suffer for the sins of the past. Well, I'm not. I'm just trapped. I'm jaded. I'm stuck in a rut.

I am so fucking sick of being right all the time. Three relationships, three people who walked out on me just when I broke out of my shell. Makes me fucking scared to break out this time coz that just might be the time he chooses to about-face-and-forward-march out of my life. Poor me. I am so sure that he will walk away from me in 60 days. I just want to be proven wrong, just this once. Maybe that's why I made that bet. Somehow, deep inside me, I wanted to lose. This time, I want to lose so bad.

Please.

Just this once.

Song of the Moment: Stupid Girl - Garbage

2003-04-20T08:35:00.000-07:00

My brain is NOT logical?!?

My dad just told me "Your brain is not logical." WTF? And he said "Have you ever heard of the word 'passion'?"

Duh... I said I do know what passion is and believe it or not, I'm fucking brimming with it. I just don't beleive that DROWNING in whatever is the right way to display passion. It's more of OBSESSION or something more psycho...

Anyway, issue in point was my review for Boards. Big deal. He doesn't want me to work but it's fine by him if I take the Boards on February. Which means I will be a b-u-m till then... that sucks.

Saw a movie with Ramil this afternoon. All this hide-and-seek, when-the-cat-is-away-the-mouse-will-play shit is making me a bit tired. Hindi talaga ako sanay na ume-eskapo. This must stop. Gusto ko na sana kausapin sila Papa regarding this pero shempre kaka-away ko lang sa kanya regarding Boards...it may not be a good idea to push it.

Laters!

Song of the Moment: Jaded - Aerosmith

2003-04-19T05:27:00.000-07:00

My so-called f*cked-up life...

Let's try to do this in the "systematic" way I see some blogs done...like an hourly f*cking chronicle of their lives. Let's start...

My day began at 9:00am when bro yelled at me to "Bumangon ka na! Iiwanan ka namin! Hindi ka importante!". Of course I was half-awake when I yelled back "Duh...eh hindi ka pa nga naliligo". Five minutes later, he popped his head into my room again, this time yelling, "LAST CALL"... So i groggily get up, grab my towel and make my way into the bathroom.

9:20am: after what I consider my fastest dressing period (2 minutes! Wacha!), we were off to Nanay's place. Lo and behold, I had time for a quick phone call to Ramil at the lab before we left for The Podium.

9:35am: Escalators still barred and Starbucks half-empty! A sight for sore (home-imprisoned) eyes. I giddily made my way to Starbucks and proceeded to order a grande latte, a tall cafe mocha, a tall mocha frap and a tall caramel frap and two honey-glazed donuts(guess whose donuts they were...hehehe). I then spent the next fifteen minutes filling up the extra Globe forms and my heart sank as my coffee grew colder (guess which one's mine...harharhar) and my donuts stickier.

10:00am: In line at the Hub, Baby (the girl assisting us) told us that our plans to have ALL our existing lines terminated just won't work kasi naka-Family Values pala. Duh... so I wept inwardly as I realized that my dreams for a 6100 and a new number (it's about time!) slowly dissolved down the drain labeled "Family Values"...blech. So, despondent, I munch two donuts (one and a half, actually) and finish my coffee.

10:01am: After a stroke of genius *rolls eyes*, my dad remembered that we could still get two new lines...so off we went to line up again...

10:58am: At last, we finish in line and our applications for our 7th and 8th lines were submitted! Now we wait a week to a week and a half until I get the phone and the new SIM. I will set up a vigil until that day.

Now... the thing is this: all my "evidence" is in my old phone. 47 messages... but then again, sis will take good care of them. I told her that when the phone's in her hands, she should guard it with her life... well, the phone's safety ranks next to her life or something to that effect... ANYWAY, I'll worry about that when the time for truning over the mobiles comes...

Oh, and I mentioned to my dad that I plan to work at a call center and he was absolutely livid... bakit daw magtatrabaho? AT bakit sa call center daw? I won't be living up to my potentials, yadda yadda.

Well, he has a point, you know. But I'm just considering the possibility of me taking the Boards in February instead of this August. What will I do with all the time in my hands? I might as well work, right?

Oh, and my dad promised me a car next year (duh, like he promised it last year)... I don't care. I just want my phone and my new SIM! Harharhar...

Laters!

Song of the Moment: Twister - Cranberries

2003-04-17T06:35:00.000-07:00

I see some reason behind it, but still...

Maybe it's somehow a blessing in disguise that my parents are over-protective of me. A danger to my life lurks out there. And maybe if I stay close to the security of my home, I can prolong my life by a few more decades.

Still it scares me...

Song of the Moment: Run Baby Run

2003-04-17T02:41:00.000-07:00

Too good to be true...

Sometimes I think I am the stupidest person on Earth. Really, I do. I'm stupid because I never learn from my mistakes. I commit the same ones over and over again. And when I am in the process of committing these mistakes, I believe I'm right.

Damn...
Song of the Moment: Stupid Girl - Garbage

Random Thought of the Day: Am I truly stupid or am I just too stupid to the point that i can't fool myself into believing that i am not stupid? WTF?!?

2003-04-16T21:44:00.000-07:00

And so the news begins to travel...

I had dinner last night with Ryan, Ces and Ramil. Before that, we watched Solaris.

Muntik na ngang Anger Management yung papanoorin namin, kasi there was this Caucasian couple (British, if my hearing serves me right) who handed us a pair of tickets asking "Anybody wants to watch Anger Management?" Ramil (as the rest of the group) probably thought they were asking us which cinema it was screening at and even asked "Which cinema?" Then the husband said "Right, great. Thanks." and walked away with four pairs of perplexed eyes staring after them.

Well, we ended up giving away those tickets and getting four tickets to Solaris. It was a great movie. I loved the issues it was trying to tackle... mortality, afterlife, morality even. Pero sana hindi na lang nila ginawa sa context ng isang planetang nag-ngangalang Solaris. It sounded so... mainstream (to quote Ces). I particularly like the concept that it doesn't matter what I did in the past, that all is forgotten. Shit...kung pwede lang na ganun sa totoong buhay. Siguro ang saya nun. I won't have to worry about the reparations of my past actions...whether I wanted them to happen or not...

Haaayyy...

It really irks me to no end that I am so affected by what I have done in the past...whether I really planned them to happen or if they were plans which spun out of control. I'm supposed to be strong, I'm supposed to be capable of handling this shit. Well, I am, to some extent, handling things well. But there are times (such as this, when my hormones are out of whack and my frustrations are piling one on top of the other) when I feel like I would fall apart at the seams...

Heller! All this crap coming from the Bitch of Babylon?!? All this crap from the Princess of Angst? From the High Priestess of Cynicism? Wala lang...may mga araw lang talaga na parang feeling ko mababaliw na ako. Na parang may mga bagay na gusto kong gawin pero hindi pwede.

It pisses me off to no end when I am repressed. I am not a child anymore but my parents still treat me like one. Somehow, I feel that to graduate and to get a job immediately after is my ticket out. Well, that's exactly what I am pursuing now. For the want of a better word, I want to ESCAPE being treated like a child. Sabi ni Ramil, my parents are just worried kasi nga malapit na akong umalis, when I start working and living my own life (duh...I've been living my own life since I was 13!)... pero I swear they're pushing me further away with all this...crap. I mean, I was so independent since I was 13 tapos biglang...7 years later para silang nag-aalaga ng toddler who still shits her pants... Biglang...be home by 9 ha. Call home if you'll still be out by 11. Tell me who you'll be with, make sure may kasama kang pauwi...alam mo yun... nakaka-badtrip! Bigla akong naging over-protected PET?!?

Sa lahat pa naman ng ayoko yung nare-restrict ako...

Anyway, as the title implies, the news begins to travel. Kahapon kasi, biglaang nagyaya si Ryan for dinner and a movie sa Megamall. Ramil and I were together at that time. So I said, sige punta ako. Tapos ang bati ni Ry sa amin "Hello lovebirds"...WTF?!? Wala lang...funny lang. Ehehe...

Well, I am expecting that lalabas din yung balitang yan. Eitherway, we won't deny if anyone asks us. What we so totally won't do is to ANNOUNCE this to the whole world. Parang ang loser naman nun diba? Besides, hindi pa kami legal sa bahay. Hindi ko naman kasi na-anticipate na magre-regress yung mga magulang ko eh. Hindi ko kasi maintindihan kung bakit biglang napaka-overprotective nila sa akin, kung kelan gagraduate na ako and I'm already talking of getting a job.

Anyway, alam na din ni Eric. At ni Raquel. At ni Ivan. At ni John. At ni ate Ellyn. Well, lalabas at lalabas naman yun eh. As I said to Eric, pag may nagtanong, sasagutin ko naman eh... not unless si Eric ang magtanong...hwahahaha...

Laters...

2003-04-15T04:37:00.000-07:00

TANGINA, sayang ang oras!!!

Sana nagliwaliw na lang ako. Sana pumunta na lang ako ng Diliman at nagpaka-saya! Hello! Sabi-sabi na may paguusapan kami at ngayon asan siya? Somewhere out there, beneath the pale moon light. Duh...

Anyway, it has been a really bad day. Sana hindi na lang ako nagising kaninang umaga.

Letche...

2003-04-13T11:24:00.000-07:00

Silent Lucidity

It's been 40 hours...and shit, nade-deja vu ako! If I remember correctly, entry #1 regarding my relationship with Number4 reads: It's been 40 hours since I last saw my Sweetie but I'm still happy. God damn it, I so want to write, 40 hours na kami ng baby kong love ko pero masayang-masaya pa rin ako. Fuck that...eh sa masaya ako e... kaya sasabihin ko!

40 hours and fifteen minutes na kami ng baby ko!

There...I sure hope it doesn't come to a Number4-like ending just because of my entry. I know we're both smarter and more mature than that. Harharhar.

He spent Friday night over at the house, which was unplanned (but then again, good things are unplanned most of the time) and I cooked sinigang for him. Medyo sumablay lang kasi masyadong maasim at maalat (in my opinion) pero sabi nya masarap naman daw. Naubos nga niya yung five cups na sinaing ko eh...Hwahahaha...

It was nice sleeping next to him. O ayan...siguro naman dahil nag-sleep over sya sa bahay, hindi na magiging Number4 ending yun noh! Hahaha

Anyway, I am so happy with him. For some unfathomable reason, we just clicked after the initial meeting and everything went on from there. One week has passed and not a dull moment ever...*winks*

Well, I do want to go on and on with this but my eyes are closing and my fingers are cursing me to give them a rest.

So my question for the day is: Where the hell have you been all my life?!?

Seeyah later... when my fingers are at pace with my brain.

Vavashushu!

2003-04-10T11:01:00.000-07:00

Tangina...sa wakas...TAPOS NA!

Thesis over and done with. Defended, final copies bound and submitted. Now I've just survived the first week of the month-long Tour of the Clinics. It's more tiring than usual, maybe because one full week akong nasa Diliman at hindi na sanay ang katawan ko sa malayuang biyahe. Hello! Past three months ng buhay ko, I was just 15 minutes away from home!

Pero okay lang...I have found The Cure. My natural Lipovitan! Sans caffeine (hmm..pwede ding may caffeine...pag nakapag-kape na sya...hwehehehehe...) and best of all, almost six feet tall (okay, two inches short but with my height, that doesn't fucking matter!)

Nakakatawa na nakakatuwa talaga...hindi naman dapat kami magkikita. Hindi dapat kami magkakakilala sa personal. Pero madalas na namin i-set yung pagkikita namin sa posts (oho, peyups sya. Can you blame me? Eh dun na lang naman umiikot ang mundo ko?!?!) and sa text eventually. Tapos sa isang event na ang alam namin ay hindi pupunta ang isa't isa ay bigla palang pupunta kami pareho. So nagkita kami. At ayun...Ahehehe...let's not go there...

Gusto ko sana maglagay ng blow by blow account, day by day log ng progression ng aming...aming...kung ano man ang meron kami...pero hindi ko na ma-organize yung thoughts sa utak ko. Para siyang alphabet soup...nauuna ang Z kesa A...at ang G kesa M...teka...una naman talaga yun diba?!?

WINDANG!

Eniwei, chili con carne, ang tagal ko nang hindi nasisilayan itong blog na ito. The same way, forevermore ko nang hindi nasisilayan ang mahal kong treadmill. Namimiss na siguro nya ang mala-demonyo kong pagtapak sa kanya at ang mala-kabayong pinahila ng tangkeng paghingal ko... At shemps, miss ko na ang aking TC ko (that stands for "The Cure", 386!).

Well, okay fine. Hindi ko pa pwedeng angkinin na "mine" siya. Wala pa akong K na sabihing "TC ko" at kung anik anik pa. Kaya nga windangation everloo ang lola! Heller! Hindi ko alam kung ano kami. Ah basta eto ang alam ko: anim na araw pa lang kaming magkakilala. Hindi (pa) kami. At ito pa: I know deep in my heart that I want something to come out of this. Something okay. Something more than OK.

Something good.

But this I do know as well: nade-deja-vu ako. This isn't the first time it happened to me. The past two episodes happened much in the same way pero hindi gaanong trail-blazing ang start. But both ended badly (the latter being a whole lot worse than the former. Pareho ko silang hindi nakakausap pero mas nakakatakot yung latter...baka ipapatay ako bigla eh...) at ayoko nang ma-strike three! Unang-una, ang tanga ko naman siguro everloo kung magpapa-strike out ako no? Pangalawa, heller! Hindi na ba ako natakot (actually oo but I'll get to that later...) na mangyayari din ulit yun? Some little part of me is still daring to hope na maging kami talaga for real...someday, somehow... Pero for the most part, nanginginig ako sa takot. Naknampotah...wag naman sana ako ma-History repeats itself. Kung Histo2 nga kay Karganilla hindi na-repeat itself, itong klaseng History pa kayang ito?!?

Come to think of it, hindi malayong ma-History repeats-itself-for-the-second-time-twice-pardon ako. Sa likas na pagkatanga at pagka-mangmang ko, hindi malayong may masabi nanaman akong katangahan (na nagawa ko na kanina...naknampotah, sablay talaga kahit kelan!) o may magawa nanaman akong ka-skrongkrangan!

Ang pinaka-nakakawindang everloo pa dito: anim na araw pa lang kaming magkakilala! Literal na nangangapa pa kami sa isa't isa! Okay, sure. Sweet kami. Mas PDA pa nga kami kesa sa tunay na couple eh. Pero tangina, naloloka everchenes talaga ang byuti ko! Gusto ko nang magkaron ng karapatang sumagot ng "oo" pag tinanong ako kung bf ko siya...pero sa loob-loob ko...tangina, magpapakatanga nanaman ba ang masahista?

Well, the way things are going...malamang!!!

2003-03-21T22:30:00.000-08:00

Thesis na lang...

Haaay salamat. Tapos na ang mga chuvachenes ng internship. Matapos lang tong thesis, yung defense at ang pagsubmit ng final bound copies, masaya na ulit ako. Nakakapagod. Nakaka-drain. And to think hindi pa full force effort to ha!

Speaking of thesis, babalik nanamankami sa Batangas on Friday for the final stage in our implementation. The fishy thing about it is that ipapagawa pa rin sya sa amin kahit hindi na siya kasama sa documentation ng thesis namin. BUT WHY?!?! Baket kailangan pa naming gawin kung di din naman kasali. Ish unpeyr!

Anyway, defense is on the second tapos submission ng final copies on the tenth. After that, puro clinic duties na lang ang aalalahanin ko until the end of April. Tapos...tapos na! Clearance na tapos application for Boards na! Yehey!

But I'm not celebrating yet. I have one more month to face. Potah...

2003-03-13T23:01:00.000-08:00

I love you daw...now what?!?!

Sinabi na niya yung kinatatakutan kong marinig. Sinabi na niya ang "I love you". O eh ano ngayon? I think it's cliche, diba? I think it's over-rated. I think it's an emotional pawn. Yun naman pala eh! So what's the big deal?

This is the "big deal": where to go from here. Dahil kahit anong kaplastikan at hipokritahan ang gawin ko, the fact remains the same: sinabi na niya. Alam ko na. Wala na akong excuse na sabihing "hindi ko naman alam ah" o kaya "wala ayun...wla anaman siyang sinasabi ah" kasi yun na nga! May sinabi na nga siya! The unassuming me has no defense anymore. Wala na akong excuse to take eveything NOT in the context of those three words. Everything that can be traced back to that fact WILL be traced back. Argh!

Natutuliro na ako. Sabi ni Rio, "then let him know how you feel. Let him know that your feelings are not on the same level." SInabi ko naman sa kanya na I already did. I even told him HOW I said it. I asked him and Roel, "Hindi pa ba clear yun? Isn't that as direct as you can get?" Oo naman daw. Direct na daw yun.

Seriously, sinabi ko na kasi dati pa. Okay, fine, it's better to say it in person but I can't help it kung sa cyberspace namin napag-usapan yun! Gustuhin ko mang sabihin ulit, I was hoping (and assuming) na it has sunk in and there's no need to twist the knife deeper.

Basta ito ang side ko: I've said it once, I won't say it again unless I have to. And honestly, I didn't see the need to. Sinabi ko nang walang future, there is nothing to look forward to. Hello... I don't like hitting people over hit head. What more hitting them over the head twice?!? At shempre, inisip kong nagets na niya yun the first time. Sinabi ko na. And I didn't see the need to say it again.

And I maintain, I am unassuming. Hangga't wala akong direct proof, I do not conclude. So when he was nice after, I always thought it was because nice siya talaga. And he was being nice DESPITE whatever rought road we walked on noon. I KNOW he's nice, kaya nga I consider him one of my good friends. I would be lying if I said I didn't notice that he was a little nicer to me than everyone else. But then again, that's where the problem starts.

Hindi ako tanga. Alam ko kung anong iisipin ng ibang taong nasa lugar ko pag ganung someone is being extra nice. But that's just it! Hindi nga ako assuming. Hangga't wala akong confirmation, hangga't wala akong solid proof wala akong ibang iisipin kundi ganun lang talaga siya ka-nice (which he is, by the way).

Ngayon, eto ang crux: masama ba ako? Naging bulag ba ako? Kasalanan ko bang mabait siya? Bakit pinapalabas ng ibang tao na isa akong predator na isa-isang kumain ng bawat hibla ng buhok niya, bawat kuko sa daliri niya?!?! Bakit lumalabas ngayon that I was an opportunistic bitch who had nothing better in this world than to terrorize some poor soul?

T*ng ina naman! Respeto naman, please. Unang una, hindi ko ginusto na gawin niya lahat ng iyon para sa akin. Ask him. I never obliged him to do any of those for me. And if ever mang lumabas na inuutusan ko siya, sorry. May mali sa interpretation ninyo. Alam kong wala akong K na mag-utos. As I said, hindi ako tanga. Hindi ako tanga para mag-assume at hindi rin ako tanga para manakit.

At hindi ko rin kasalanan na hindi kami pareho ng nararamdaman. Matalino kayong tao. Alam niyo yan. So please, tigilan na. Hindi nakakatuwa.

So,back to the topic: I love you daw. What now?

What now? Eh anong gagawin ko?

Seryoso, ano bang gusto niyong gawin ko, since you are all so inclined to rule my life. Sige nga? Anong dapat kong gawin, if you think you all f*cking know what's best for me. Ngayong tinatanong ko kayo, ngayong pinapagsalita ko kayo, bakit wala akong naririnig na sagot?

Pwe...

2003-03-01T01:34:00.000-08:00

Chop chop chop!!!

Down nanaman ba ang peyups? O ayaw lang talaga ako ipag-peyups ni Lord kasi daw dapat nasa gym ako or nagthe-thesis? Kakainis...

2003-02-23T07:16:00.000-08:00

Not again, not again...

I know it shouldn't go over the top with something like this but why do I get the feeling that I've seen this happen before? Deja-vu in the most wicked, most uncalled-for sense...

And of all people, dapat siya ang nakaka-intindi nito. Dapat alam na niya. Sa dinami-dami ng shinare ko sa kanya, sa dinami-dami ng napag-usapan namin at sa dami ng issues na nakita niyang hinarap ko...hindi ba dapat siya ang huling makaka-misunderstand at makaka-misinterpret sa akin? Pero bakit hindi ganun ang nangyari? Bakit siya pa, of all people, ang unang tumira?

At ako naman...hindi na ako natuto...

Dammit...

2003-02-22T06:49:00.000-08:00

Ajeeeeeeeh me baby!

I met up with the Ajeeeh girls this afternoon: Raqx, Ces, Ice, Yazz, Chei and Mai. Andun din si Ry. Goligosh kadudels! Namiss ko yung mga bruha! Walang hiya! Dapat maulit itich!

Ang ingay namin sa Starbucks sa Tomas Morato! Next time, Sunken naman.

As for now, nunayt na! Training pa!

Vavashushu!

2003-02-20T07:31:00.000-08:00

Waaaah! Namiss kita, mahal ko!

Grabegosh kadudels! Namiss ko yung mahal ko! Buti na lang nakapag-quality time kami kanina... kahit na 30 minutes lang yun, at paiba-iba ang speed ko...masaya naman ako. Pinagpawisan akong maigi... namula ang mukha ko, at sobrang nagmukha akong wicked witch of the West sa gulo ng buhok ko. Grabe...namiss kong hingalin habang nakapatong sa mahal ko...

Dat's ryt...namiss kong pumatong at apak-apakan ang minamahal kong treadmill! Yebah! Sa wakas ay nakita ko siya ulit...after two long weeks na hindi ko nasalat ang kanyang makinis na handlebars...14 days na hindi ko man lang naramdaman ang hingalin habang pabilis nang pabilis...ang aking pagtakbo...

Okei...tama na! Over na ang masahista...relak na ...baka ka mag-collap! Maaga pa kami bukas sa Batangas. Would you imagine: alas sais pa lang ng umaga, magmi-meet na kami ni Jobs sa istasyon...maygudness galigash beng beng! Eh namumuo pa lang yung muta ko nung mga oras na yun eh...pwera na lang kung may training. Gaddemet! Kala ko pa naman makakasaglit ako sa training area bukas.

Grabegash! Excited na akong bumalik sa training sa Sabaditch! Sa wakas, gagana na ulit ang aking mga tigang na muscles! Hardiharhar. Baka medyo may nagc-creak pa...kailangan ng oil...lubricate lubricate!

Bwahahaha...may naisip tuloy ako biglang pwedeng maging sig sa peyups...kaso medyo explicit eh... "Lubricate before you procreate" Bwahahaha...tapos magtataka pa ako kung bakit... NEBERMAYND, land mine! Wag na...solb solb na ako sa "If it makes you HAPPY, then why the hell are you so SAD?" ko na sig. Satisfied na aketch... magulo kasi ang mundo eh. Dadramahan ako ng kailangan niyang gawin ito...tapos nalulungkot naman daw siya. Nampugah. Eklat mo! Eh kung sinigurado mo ba muna bago ka kumilos eh di sana menos hassle ka ngayon! Eh hindi eh...ibang ulo kasi ginamit mo eh. Magdusa ka ngayon! Hnnnnttssee! (Taray no?)

Eniwei, chili con carne, ako'y matutulog na. Dapat akong maka-zzz ng at least 5 hours. Or else, zombie ako bukas. What's in your head...in your heyi-ye-ed! Zo-um-beh! Zo-um-beh zo-um-beyuh eyuh eyuh!

Ah ewan! Gudnayt, flashlight!

Vavashushu!

2003-02-19T21:48:00.000-08:00

Sa wakas, natapos din!

I sure hope my absence was worth it. I finally finished the eval and home program. Lesson to self: never cram an eval. Mahirap! Goodness! It's hard enough to think. It's even harder to perfrom under pressure.

Now to submit. Harharhar...

2003-02-19T06:47:00.000-08:00

Pagod na pagod nako!

may ginagawa akong eval. I'm just taking a break... I can't think. I feel stressed. I AM stressed. I'm tired of kids screaming when I try to make them stand. I'm tired of kids crying their lungs out whenever I try to make them crawl. I'm tired of kids banging their head against my chest when I teach them the proper way to walk. At some point during treatment, I feel like screaming, "Fine. Be as abnormal as you are now. Be dysfunctional physically, emotionally and psychologically. The hell I care!" But, f*cking shit, no matter how tired I am, I still care if some 3-year old kid can't even sit on his own. I still care that a one-year old baby can't even raise her head from the floor.I still care if my 5-year old patient can't descend stairs without bruising her shin.

Tired as I am, I still give a damn. And that fact alone makes me more tired than ever. I don't even have the luxury of time to whine becuase deep inside I know I care and I know I can make a difference, somehow. The spirit is alive and willing but the flesh is f*cking dead!!!

Gawd, I'm dead tired. I slept the night through last night. I didn't even get to do my home program. I got home at 7:30 and I was conked out till 7:30 the next morning. Been having bad dreams too. Yeah, yeah...out of sync brain waves, distorted theta waves (or is it beta...I'm pretty sure it's theta, though...whatever!) equals wacko nightmares. But it's stress-induced, I'm pretty sure. And when all of this is over, I will sleep 24 hours. And I will love every minute of it.

But for now...work.

Yech.

2003-02-16T09:39:00.000-08:00

Ayoko nang gumising bukas!

I hate Mondays.

'nuff said.

Blech.

2003-02-16T09:11:00.000-08:00

Bakit ngayon pa?!

Wah! Hindi nanaman ako makapasok sa peyups. Okei...theoretically, hindi mahanap ng Explorer ko ang peyups pero naman...dash impasibol! A few minutes ago, I was posting like a madwoman and now... para akong baby na walang milk! Waaaah!!!

Heniwei, chili con carne, this may be a sign that says "P*tangina kang masahista ka! Puro ka peyups! Matulog ka na!!! Maaga ka pa bukas!... at tapusin mo na yang thesis mo!"

Oh well... I guess wala na nga akong magagawa kundi ang matulog...down ang peyups eh. Or ayaw lang talaga ako ipag-peyups ni Lord. Kasi daw masakit na daw ang mata ko...pumipikit na daw. Tapos mapupuyat daw ako at hindi ako makakapasok sa clinic mamaya...sayang naman daw yung attendance ko. Tatlong late arrivals din yun...tatlong possible training days. Nampugah...

Ayos yun pag nagsimula na akong mag-train, hindi pa man ako humahawak ng pasyente pagod na ako. Naku... a tired Masahista = a bitchy Masahista = bad bad Masahista = possible sermon si Masahista. Hwekhekhek. O kaya = tulog na Masahista still = possible sermon si Masahista. Mwahahaha! Ah ewan!

BTW, hoy Alexis, kung binabasa mo to... wala ka'y makit-an diri nga wala pa ka nakahibalo...pramis! Bwahahahaha! Kaya kung ako sayo, ikaw na lang ang magkuwento! Wala akong makukuwento sayo! Mwahahaha!

Vavashushu pipols! Nunayt!

2003-02-16T05:37:00.000-08:00

Tigang na tigang na ako!

Grabe na ito! Puro thesis na lang ang inaatupag ko! Wala na akong buhay beyond thesis! Four training days na ang na-miss ko! Dyosko! Baka pag humawak ulit ako ng sagwan sa Tuesday, daig ko pa ang beginner sa pagsagwan! Baka mapaliguan ko yung nasa likod ko! Wawa naman! Bantot pa naman ng tubig! Hardiharhar!

Pagdating nga ni Kais kanina, sinermonan agad ako. "Ano ba? Magr-race ka ba o hindi? Ang layo na ng hahabulin mo! Bahala ka diyan!"

Waaaah! As if naman may magagawa ako no! Kung ako lang, mas gugustuhin kong sumagwan kesa mag-thesis! Mas gugustuhin kong sumagwan kesa mag-clinics! Mas gugustuhin ko sumagwan kesa mag-peyups...ay...teka...hindi pala. Mas gugustuhin ko mag-peyups kesa mag-thesis. Eherm...*clears throat* As I was saying...mas gugustuhin ko mag-row above all else! At least starting Tuesday, makaka-row na ako. Okei lang ma-late sa clinic! Okei lang masermonan ni Sir Dong (pero wag naman sana! Maygawd! Para akong basang sisiw pag napagalitan ako!) basta maka-row! May 12 late arrivals pa naman ako eh...o kaya 4 absences bago ako ma-force drop. At pwera pa yun sa bagsak!

Pero sana naman hindi ako bumagsak no! Gusto ko na grumadweyt! Sabi nung Feng-shui expert na pinuntahan ni Mama kahapon, gagraduate daw ako... kelan naman? baka naman October! Bwahehehehe. Tapos sabi pa niya na kailangan ko daw pumunta sa kanya para mabigyan daw ako ng protection eklavu at baka pasukan daw ako ng evil spirits. Duh! Hindi kaya dapat sila ang matakot sa akin at baka sapian ko sila! Mwahahahaha! Kebs ko ba kung mega appear sila sa harap ko... hi hello there na lang. Ika nga ni Ma'am Gayline, hindi ko sila makikita kung hindi ako prepared. So hindi na lang ako magp-prepare! Harharhar. Oks lang yun. Kahit medyo feeling ko weirdo ako...kahit medyo feeling ko alien ako...okei lang...

Ah ewan! Wala nang sense yung sinasabi ko!

Hweniwei, bundat na bundat ako since last night. Dapat kasi magsa-Saisaki kami kasi isang milenyo nang pinapangako sakin yan ng tatay kong perpetually bondat...kaso late na kami naka-alis ng bahay tapos naubos yung oras namin kakahanap ng parking (pumunta ka ba namang Makati ng Saturday night eh!). Tapos walang seats sa Haiku...maski dun sa isa pang Japanese resto sa 3rd floor ng Greenbelt 3 kaya nauwi kami sa Japanese fastfood. Gosh. Four servings ng sushi ang nakain ko: ebi, kani, tekka maki at Cali maki. Tapos may tuna at salmon sashimi pa aketch, tsaka mango shake sa Big Chill (wala kasing kiwi eh kaya nauwi ako sa mangga...okei na rin.). Kaya yun, bundat ever ako! Kaya pag-uwi ko, halos hindi na ako makapag-isip ng maayos kaya natagalan ako matapos i-edit yung thesis. Kaya absent ako sa training this morning. Heehee...excuses!

Tapos nabundat ulit ako kanina kasi nag-lunch naman kami sa Pizza Hut. Pataasan kami ng salad sa bar ng brother kong bundat din tapos paramihan ng slices ng pizza na mauubos at paramihan ng chicken wings na makakain. Shempre panalo ako (as always! Harharhar!)... Tapos namili ako ng mga black shirts para sa training, tsinelas para sa clinic, jogging pants para sa gym...

Speaking of gym...one week ko nang hindi nabibisita yung bagong lab op may layp... yung treadmill sa gym nila Fernan...hwekhekhek. Mahal na mahal ko yun...lalo nayung treadmill number 1. Katapat kasi ng mirror eh...kitang kita kong nagkukulay kamatis yung mukha ko after 20 minutes. Harharhar... mukhang baboy na ginilitan ng leeg! Bwahahahaha!

Nampugah, nababaliw na ata ako ah! Hindi na ako sanay na walang sumasakit sa katawan ko! Gusto ko may sumasakit...pecs, lats, triceps, back, quads...basta may sumasakit lagi. Nawawala na nga yung kalyo ko sa kamay eh (salamat po sa gwantes! Harharhar...). Tigang na tigang na yung muscles ko! Kailangan na nilang ma-torture muli. Shemay! Baka 200 power longs pa lang tumirik na yung makina ko! Oh no! Hwekhekhek... Dalawang linggo na akong walang DOMS ah... Sana by Wedensday morning may DOMS na ako... mahirap nanamang mag-scrub ng likod, magsuot ng bra...pumulot ng bata sa sahig... Wag lang sana ako makahulog ng bata. Ayoko nang mapuna ni Sir Dong *shiver*... Si Hazel kasi eh...mage-endorse lang ng pasyente, hindi pa sinabing may siezure disorder yung bata. Eh kung biglang atakihin yun!

Eniwei, papei... aatupagin ko muna ang papel...saka na ang sagwan. *ngiting-aso*

Uy uy uy...may nagdrama nanaman... shempz medyo roll ang eyes ko ever! Goodness naman kasi! Kung may nais iparating, iparating na! Wag nang sumablay! Twice na siyang sumablay! Wish ba niyang sumablay muli? Strike out na siya, if ever! Mwahahaha! Minus ten million pogi points! Buti pa yung isa... hindi pa humihirit kaya hindi pa sumasablay. Better naman ata yun dibadibs? Silence forever na lang. Kesa yung nagpapahapyaw ng sobrang obyus na kulang na lang ay isampal niya sa mukha ko yung gusto niyang iparating... medyo naman yata na-insulto yung utak ko nun noh!

Anyway, chili con carne... ako'y mamaalam muna. Tatapusin ko na itong thesis na ito. Nababaliw na nga si Jobern kasi parehong nagloloko ang mga PC namin. Kawawa naman kami. Mano-mano tuloy yung analysis namin... salamat po Excel at Word! Harharhar!

Hay...sana naman next week, mamalagi naman ako sa bahay ko. At makapag-gym ako kahit minsan... namimiss ko na yung lab op may layp ko... ang tagal ko na siyang hindi naapakan! Bwahahaha.

Okei...tama na... thesis na ulit. Nawa'y hindi ako magka-IE this week...utang na loob! Puro RE aketch! Ayoko na, goodness gracious!

Okei...totoo na...

Vavashushu!

2003-02-14T19:54:00.000-08:00

Try Cardio...

I found a nice, non-destructive outlet for all my pent-up frustrations: meet this slick baby: lightweight, fully adjustable, user-friendly M6300 electric treadmill. Nagiging laman na ako ng gym dahil diyan sa treadmill na yan. Running for 30 minutes at 8 miles per hour never felt so good. Maybe it helps that I've quit smoking (for the meantime, anyway) and that I have been wanting to strangle a bunch of people... great fuel! Harharhar.

It's also good training for the first leg of the 34th ARAP Regatta on March 16. Damn, I've missed 3 training sessions already! Buwiset kasi yang thesis na yan eh. Wala pa rin akong SPSS. Something's wrong with that freaking installer... well, anyway. Pinagka-OC-han na lang namin ng pakner ko ang Access at Excel and it works, thank God!

I will be stuffing my face this evening. Another family dinner = another more-than-full stomach.

I hope I make it to training tomorrow. Wish ko lang talaga matapos na yung thesis para wala nang problema. So I can concentrate on training for the race and the clinic. Sablay nanaman ako. At least hindi pa ako nakakahulog ng bata!

Thesis time na ulit! Farewell to thee!

2003-01-31T20:47:00.000-08:00

Ang gugulo ng utak ninyo!

Pupunta ba o hindi? Aalis ba o hindi? Una oo. Tapos hindi. Tapos oo. Tapos hindi. Tang*na. Bahala na. Bahala na kung aalis ako. Bahala na kung aattend pa ako mamaya.. Ayokong maligaw papunta dun. Gusto ko pumunta pero I don't know how. Tang*na... kaya nga plinano ng matagal para hindi na sumablay sa mga schedule ng may schedule eh.

Pucha...sana nag-gym na lang ako.

Buwiset.

2003-01-30T14:45:00.000-08:00

All hail the Snapping Turtle!

Ang taray ko kahapon. Nasungitan ko si Ron at si Joy. Harassed na harassed ako kahapon. Mega-windang, ever! Nakalimutan ko magdala ng scrunchee so mega-sabog ever yung walis ko sa ulo. Late akong dumating sa clinic, tapos may nawawala pa akong chart (which I found eventually, Thank God!).

I haven't slept since Wednesday night. I spent the night sorting and stapling 16,000 pages of survey forms. Yesiree, Bob! Sixteen f*cking thousand pages! I'm updating my blog because I'm waiting for 75 copies of another survey to be printed. Ang bagal ng printer! Argh! If ever one of my siblings decides to use a survey for thesis, remind me to hit him/her over the head with my paddle, por favor!

So here I am, red-eyed and with my head spinning. Hindi ako makaka-orient ng mga BHW's nito. I might snap at them and well...havoc. Harharhar. Jobs can handle this. After all, she surely got some sleep.

P*tangina! After this, hindi na ako gagawa ng ganito ka-massive na task. No freakin' way! Ever!

So now, I am off to the bathroom to take a shower (sama ka?) and get to PGH to pass my DTR's and to fetch Jobs. Thank God my mom and dad decided to go to Batangas with us. Or else, we'd be lugging around 16 reams of paper. What a work out!

I'm outta here. I do hope I get to sleep in the car. And I swear..pag ako pa ang pinag-orient ni Jobs, iiwanan ko siya sa Batangas. Mag-commute siya pauwi! Hardiharhar! I'm just not in the mood to be nice.

2003-01-27T07:49:00.000-08:00

The Masahista + kicking, screaming, crying, drooling kids equals...

It just occurred to me that I am going to be handling kids for seven weeks starting on Monday. No!!! Hindi to kaya ng powers ko! Either one of two things may happen: suicide or infanticide. Harharhar. Seriously, bwakanangshet! Wala akong pasensya sa mga bata! Hindi ko kaya! Baka masakal ko lang sila! Tapos terror pa yung mga CS (well, two of them, anyway) at ang daming mga horror stories! Dyosko! I cannot, I cannot! Himatay, himatay!

Mamatay na ako.

Or sila...

Mwahahahaha...

2003-01-27T07:07:00.000-08:00

Black Hawk Down!

I managed to put in only two posts at peyups. Ni hindi man lang ako naka-post ng one-liner. Di man lang nga ako nakabati sa mem's area! Harharhar.

I just read Norlan's PM. Even if it's related to me, I still found it funny. Although hindi ko pa rin naiintindihan kung bakit... pero natawa pa din ako. Ma-threaten daw ba! Harharhar!

May training nanaman bukas. Sakit nanaman ng katawan itich. Sinubukan ko nga i-PT yung sarili ko kanina eh. Nag-hot packs ako sa quads tapos nag-ultrasound ako ng quads at traps with Ben-Gay. Bwakanangshet, it works! Bukas mag-u-ultrasound ulit ako para ma-reduce yung DOMS ko. Hekhekhek. Maganda sanang thesis yun ah...

Speaking of thesis, natotoxic ako. Hindi pa ako nakakagawa ng manual for orientation para sa BHW's on Friday. Sana magawa ko na siya para hindi na ako ma-windang ever. May ihahabol pa pala akong dalawang eval. Ang sarap siguro ng buhay pag hindi na ako istudyante. Sariling diskarte na...yun eh kung makakuha ako ng trabaho ora mixmow. Agen, wish ko lang.

We had a cook-out yesterday at Vero's place. Ryski cooked most of the stuff and I was terribly disappointed with my pasta. Sa lahat naman kasi ng pwede kong maiwanan...yung oregano pa. May basil nga. May thyme, may rosemary...pero walang oregano. Ampanget! Pero oks lang. Ang dami at ang sarap naman nung niluto ni Ry so solb-solb kaming lahat. He made his famous meatballs...hot na hot! Harharhar.

Vero made this heavenly cheesecake. I think it was strawberry...with an Oreo crust. Bwakanangshet, I forgot my name! Nag-take home pa nga ako eh. Harharhar. Nagpahula din pala sila: si Jem, si Vani, si Vero, si Chris at si Ry. Ewan ko lang kung tumama ako pero nakakatawa sila habang binabasa ko yung cards... nagco-comment-an na sila, naghihiritan na...mwahahaha... All in the spirit of fun.

Hay, buhay. Down pa din ang peyups. Nakaka-sad naman...

Nunayt!

2003-01-25T08:24:00.000-08:00

WARNING: Blow-up Imminent. Take Cover. NOW!!!

Currently running on post blow-up fuel. Just had a chismax-cum-ranting session with John. Thanks, dude. I feel ever so much better now. *sigh of relief*

It's really unfair sometimes. I get blowed up on. I'm sort of used to that and I'm used to fighting back. But this was different coz it was, from my POV, for no apparent reason. I was like, What the f*ck? Where the f*ck did that come from? *grits teeth* It was really, really stressful and it took all my energy to stop myself from cussing the bejeezus out of the offending party. Argh.

Thank God that John isn't the type that gets intimidated easily. He even admitted that "You don't scare me. If you did, I would've put the phone a long time ago." Salamat talaga, pare. Kung hindi dahil sayo, magmumukhang dinaanan ng bagyo yung kwarto ko. Nakakabuwiset talaga! Kung masama ang araw niya, pwes, may karapatan akong wag masira ang araw ko. Buti kung anak mo ko or asawa mo ko, talagang obligado akong saluhin ka. T*ngina, nakaka-disappoint. Akala ko pa naman matino siyang tao.

My mom was right. She almost always is. Eventually, anyway. When she gets bad vibes, it's a warning sign. I don't blame her. In fairness, she gave me a warning. And I, the ever thick-skulled little b*tch that I am, refused to heed that warning. Whap...another mistake slapped in my face. Sure stings like hell but wakes you up from a really deep slumber...Harharhar...

Now I really gotta catch some Z's. I have only 5 hours till training. I want to be alive after tomorrow. Hardiharhar.

Down pa rin ang peyups. Bahala na. May bukas pa naman eh.

Goodnight! And this is for real.

Harharhar...

2003-01-25T07:23:00.000-08:00

LETCHE!!!

Kailangan pa ba nya akong ganunin! Kailangan ba nyang sirain ang araw ko! Kelan pa siya nagkaron ng karapatang manira ng araw ng may araw? Today, of all days. My days, of all people. Dammit. Kung masama ang araw niya, wish ko lang wag naman nya akong idamay, diba? I've had a really bad day. Wag naman sana niyang sirain pa lalo. Wish ko lang...

Hindi tuloy ako makatulog! Baka bangungutin ako!

Down pa rin ang peyups.

Hay buhay!

2003-01-25T05:45:00.000-08:00

K.O.!

Hindi ko na kaya. I'm too sleepy. I can't wait for peyups to be fixed. My eyes are closing...

Gising na lang ako ng alas-kwatro para mag-post. Sakto, one and a half hours na post. Tapos diretso sa higanteng kanal AKA Manila Bay. Yebah.

Goodnight!

2003-01-25T04:53:00.000-08:00

Down nanaman ang peyups.com?

Nampugah naman! Bakit ngayon pa? Kailangan kong makapasok!!! Kailangan kong malaman kung tutuloy kami bukas kina Veronica! Naman...nakaka-frustrate!

Eniwei, chili con carne...I'm terribly disappointed that the Women's team won't be participating in the race on Saturday. Damn, I was really psyched up for it. Kaiz has been telling me to go on training, that it won't be right to stop training just because I won't be competing anytime soon. Of course I'm not giving up! I firmly believe that there is a reason for everything. Malay ko, I was meant to go to the Boracay Quest. It's almost a sure thing that I'll be at Boracay, even if I'll be a rah-rah-rah girl. Hell, I don't care! The sun, sand, fun, and the two-piece bathing suits are enough! There's always next year! I just pray that it won't coincide with my thesis defense, which the preliminary dates do. Damn...

Again...there is a reason for everything. Hell, maybe there's a reason why peyups is down. Maybe I'm not meant to post tonight. Harharhar!

It's a sign. Perhaps it means "MATULOG KA NA, GAGA! MAY TRAINING KA PA BUKAS!"

Heck...gusto ko mag-post eh. Buhay ko ang mag-post! Besides, may chismis si Norlan sakin eh. I have no idea what it could possibly be but hell, chismax pa din yun! Kailangan pa ring masagap! Harharhar!

At kailangan ko pa rin makita kung matutuloy bukas! Naman...may training pa eh. Kailangan kong malaman kung magmamadali ako galing sa training o pwede akong maglakad.

Hay buhay! Sana okei na ang peyups...

2003-01-24T22:24:00.000-08:00

SIMULAN NA ITO!!!

Ayan! Sa wakas nasimulan ko na ito! Ang tagal ko nang gustong simulan ito. Pero ang hirap kasi kumilos pag masyadong busy. Daig pa ang asong pineste ng isang milyong garapata na nakatumpok lahat sa pwet. Di mapakali. Di man lang makaupo. Daig pa si Manong Magsasaka na pakanta-kanta na lang ng "Magtanim ay di biro, Maghapong nakayuko." Buti pa nga si Manong ay merong Manang Magsasaka to keep him warm at night. Eh ako. Wala. Nada. Zilch. Awan!

Imbyerna naman o!

As if that's not enough, hindi pa kasama ang Women's Team sa karera sa Sabado. Eksayted pa naman ako! Gustung-gusto ko na sana sumagwan na kasabay ang buong team na may sinusubukang lampasan. Pero shempre, tigang ang sabog kong beauty ever! With the matching pom-poms na lang at rah-rah-rah na lang ang energy ko.

Kanina, kasama ko ang mga trainees na sumagwan. Karamihan sa kanila ay mga virgin pa...sa pagsasagwan. (Utak mo ha...) Three training sessions ago, ganun din ako. Ang daling mangawit. Ang bilis hingalin. Mas malakas pang humingal kesa sa atletang sampung kilometro na ang tinakbo. Ang hirap mang-ipit sa pagitan ng dalawang hita. Ang hirap igalaw ng pataas-baba ang mga braso. Ang hirap makuha ang tamang rhythm.

Ah...paalala lang po. Pagsasagwan po ang pinaguusapan dito. Hindi po porno. Baka masapak ako ng Nanay ko.

Nasa topic na rin lang ng paalala, eto pa ang isang friendly reminder: wag na kayong maghanap ng mga eklat dito. Links, pictures, at kung anik-anik pa. Nagsusulat lang ako. Mas madaling mag-type kesa sumulat gamit ang bolpen at notbuk no. Tsaka utang na loob! Pagod na pagod na ang aking mga intrinsic hand muscles sa pagsulat-kamay ng mga running notes ng pasyente at kaka-notes sa thesis! At least sa keyboard, Carpal Tunnel Syndrome lang ang bagsak ko. Normal lang yun. Lahat ata ng taga-peyups magkakaroon nun by the year 2005 eh. Bwahahaha.

Eniwei, chili con carne...mabalik tayo sa pagsasagwan ko kaninang umaga. May papei na baguhan! Ever natunaw ang shorts ng lola! Pero shempz, as always, out of my league nanaman ang mokong. Hay...imbyerna talaga, ever!

Hay buhay...

Naiisip ko pa minsan si Kwatog. 'Langya yun. Magdadalawang buwan ko na ring hindi nakikita yun. Malay ko ba kung nasan sya. Dati alam ko kung nasan siya. Alam ko yung sked ng klase niya, yung oras ng uwi at alis niya sa bahay, kung nakaninong bahay siya ng kaibigan ng ganitong oras. Ultimo kung nasa banyo siya, kumakain o naliligo ay alam ko. Ngayon, maski landline niya hindi ko na alam. Eh hindi ko naman siya tinatawagan eh. Tumatawag lang naman sa bahay yun kapag kailangan niya ng taong lalandiin (at willing victim naman ang loka. Gaga!) na lalandiin rin siya. Kaya ngayon, kebs ko ba. Kahit wala akong nilalandi, at least peaceful naman ang landline ko. Harharhar.

Pero hindi nga. Namimiss ko din siya minsan. Nakakamiss yung pag-joyride hanggang alas-dos ng umaga (na akala mo wala kaming klase kinabukasan), pagtambay sa Ilang o sa Kalayaan, lumalamon lang ng kolesterol. O ang pagt- Tour of Quezon City namin sa mga bahay ng kaibigan niya. Nakakamiss din yung may naglalambing sakin. Kung sabagay hindi naman siya ganun kalambing eh. Mas malambing si Echol.

Si Echol naman kasi, parang Casper. Malingat ka lang, nawawala na. Kaya kami nag-break nun eh (o napilitan lang siguro ako). Nawala bigla eh. At least nalaman kong escapist pala yun. Ika nga ni Mommy, "walang balls yun!" Napaisip tuloy ako...Ano yung nakapa ko? Hindi naman medyas na naka-roll. Hindi rin naman patatas. Ano yun?!? Di kaya...jebs? Bwahahahaha. Pero in fairness, si Echol ang pinakamalambing. Mantakin mo ba namang magtext every 20 minutes ng "I love you". O di kaya'y "I miss you. Ingat ka. Tawag ako pag uwi ko."

Pero nakakasawa na rin after a while. Kaya mabuti na rin sigurong nag-disappear siya ala David Blaine. Dahil kung hindi, baka na-stuck ako sa relasyong yun. It wasn't bad. It just wasn't...well...hindi lang swak. Knowing me, ayokong gumi-give up sa relationshp eh. Pero pag gumive up na yung pakner ko, wala na. Gudbay na... Whatever! Saka na yang kasentihang yan! Marami pang araw para diyan. Mas masaya sigurong mag-inarte muna ako sa unang post ko. Bwahahaha.

Wala na eh. Wala nang kaartehan. Magpo-post na lang muna ako sa peyups.

Mamayang gabi na ulit tong ka-letchehan ko.

BTW, hindi ako masahista.

Hindi nga...